I woke you up at four this morning to whimper and to whine   To hear myself through spit and crackle of a poor long-distance line   Twelve clever ways to say I love you with words that always fail   Hang up and light a cigarette, sit waiting for the mail   A flier from department stores, another get-rich plan   A bill or two, some shampoo and a note from Ed McMahon   Although you'll always be the one in which I will confide   Sometimes you're the razor on my private waterslide      By the way, I got your letter yesterday   It said there's no need to be sad   It said that some things would never, ever change   But that some already had   And I heard it from the corner of my ear   How that voice makes things right   And I'm sure there's something more than memory   Across the Maryland Bridge tonight      How ominous these undercurrents, they crowd me now it seems   And every time I meet you in the darkness of my dreams   It's likely that I'll turn around and parody myself   Imagine we're in different places, pretend we're someone else   Well I could be J. Edgar Hoover, you be JFK   As power hungry egocentrics we'll paper fight the nights away   Sometimes you're my nemesis when I am paranoid   Sometimes I have doubts and worries too strong to avoid      By the way, I got your letter yesterday   It said there's no need to be sad   It said that some things would never, ever change   But that some already had   And I heard it from the corner of my ear   How that voice makes things right   And I'm sure there's something more than memory   Across the Maryland Bridge tonight      Oh, Maryland Bridge tonight   Maryland Bridge tonight