Monogrammed toilet paper rollers that sing   Ever wonder who would buy these things?   The ones with plastic Santas in their yards   And custom license plates no one understands      Strength thru shopping   What a thrill   Who cares, they were on sale   Save more buying nothing at all   But it’s the art of the deal      Fake glasses so people think I’m smart   Fitness toys by mail, I think I used ‘em once   Found a quicker way   To dazzle the boys and girls   Silicone implants for he-man lumpy arms      Strength thru shopping   Make my day   Obey the call of the consumer   Give me convenience   Or give me death   Before I choke on myself      My car stereo’s so loud and big   There’s hardly anywhere for me to sit   Or make room for an inflatable doll or three   So I can take the carpool lane   And pass toll-free      Took a paid vacation on a train   My camcorder never left my face   Only put it down to recharge   At home I’ll play it back   And see just where we’ve gone      Strength through shopping everywhere   Am I possessed by my possessions?   Online I never leave my chair   No one screws me   Kuz I’m protected   I’m protected   I screw myself instead