Courage To Be Someone New

Have you ever felt paralyzed or crippled by fear?? As a businesswoman, producer, and modelthrough my various business ventures, I’ve felt fearful from time to time.? And I’m sure that, like me, you’vefound that you can accomplish little when you’re afraid -- and almost nothingif you let fear of what might happenseize you.? Fear freezes the mind,erases possibilities and clouds opportunities; and it makes most matters we’refearful about seem disproportionately greater than our ability to deal withthem.

However, I’ve learned that you and I have the ability to putfear in its rightful place -- a place where we don’t have to stay.? Yet sometimes situations we’refrightened about have to get worse before things can get better. ?Sometimes not until something or someonehurts us and/or wounds us badly or deeply enough do we realize that we have togo beyond fear to make a change.

I remember vividly some of the most unpleasant challengesI’ve had to face to earn respect and defeat fear.? In 1987, I moved from my homeland, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia,to Vancouver, Canada, to continue high school for post-secondaryeducation.? I found myself astranger there -- a funny looking “foreign" girl with a bad haircut and poorEnglish skills.? And soon, I becamethe prime target for the supposedly “cool" high school kids around me toantagonize.? And believe me, theydid their best to make my life miserable.?I couldn’t hide from them; they seemed to be everywhere, tauntingme.? They’d throw objects at mefrom behind my back; they’d push and trip me when I wasn’t looking.? They’d sabotage my every chance to bepart of any extra school activity I wanted to pursue; they’d point at me andlaugh, call me names, and torment me in countless other ways, too.?

But because I was extremely unfamiliar with Canadian cultureand lifestyles, and for fear that I might say or do something wrong, I decidedI’d just tolerate the situation.?Though I was already a competitive martial arts fighter in the processof earning my second black belt in Karate, (a sport I’ve been involved in sinceI was eight years old), I didn’t feel that I should utilize those skills.? Again, I feared I might provoke mytormentors further and possibly even incite them to extend harm to my family.

So during most of those high school years I allowed emotionslike fear, loneliness, anxiety, anger and sadness to consume me.? Yet eventually even those feelings,however negative, forced me to find courage to turn my situation in positivedirections, and as a result I can now help others in similar circumstances todo the same.

I decided that every time my tormentors tried to start afight with me, I would look each of them in the eyes and just calmly walkaway.? What worse could happen thanthat they’d push me, laugh and call me names?? However, one afternoon, things did turn worse.?

That afternoon I felt a couple of small objects hit the backof my head.? As usual, bursts oflaughter behind my back followed, and I continued on my way, refusing to evenacknowledge this petty behavior.?But this time I made no effort to keep my eyes on my tormentors as Iwalked away.? Suddenly one of themdecided to run up and strike me in the left eye.? In an instant, I realized that she had crossed a boundary andendangered a vital organ of my body, and this I simply couldn’t ignore.? Before she could blink, with a crowd ofstudents as my witnesses, I unleashed a kick that dropped her to the ground.? Quickly, two of her friends leaped atme to defend her.? Soon they, too,were picking themselves up, and then all three made a run for it, leaving mestanding there.? Now I began tofeel the throbbing pain in my left eye -- and discovered that it was bleeding.

For many years, I’d tried to avoid confrontations with mytormentors.? But that afternoonthey’d made confrontation inevitable, and I had put fear aside and finally letthem know who I truly was.? Now Iwondered what the consequences of my retaliation would be.

Shortly after the fight I was called into the principal’soffice.? There I was told that thethree girls who started the fight had been suspended from school.? The other students who’d witnessed theencounter had reported the story of the attack and my self-defense.? Luckily for me, they all supported myactions.? I was free to return toclass unpunished.

After that day, things took a clear turn for thebetter.? My “tormentors" stoppedharassing me; from then on they only looked away whenever I passed bythem.? When a new school yearbegan, some of them left to attend different schools, though some of themremained at my school.? Some ofthem even stopped being each other’s friends -- and others decided to startgreeting me with smiles.? That year-- my last -- in high school, I finally was able to make some good friends, directnumerous extracurricular activities, coach the basketball and volleyball teamsand even serve as captain of the cheerleading squad.?

As my life has unfolded since then, throughout my variedcareer I’ve had many fortunate opportunities to assist diverse groups of womenthrough some of their own challenging moments in life.? Of course, through these experiences,I’ve broadened my own knowledge about career, socializing, love, relationships,family and much more.? Along theway I’ve been able, in turn, to assist, inspire and empower a great number ofwomen along their journeys in life, for which they’ve pointedly thanked me inone way or another.? And whetherthey know it or not, their exercise of courage that made their lives better, plustheir trust in me, have been all the thanks I’ve ever needed.? They’ve truly inspired me to constantlygrow, transform and become a better person.

A few years ago, while I was out of town, Lidiya, anassistant in one of the companies I founded, hired two new recruits to join ourteam.? She formally introduced meto them when I returned from my trip.?One recruit happened to be a chief “tormentor" of mine from high school.

She didn’t recognize me until Lidiya introduced me by myfirst and last names.? Then, myformer tormentor’s jaw dropped and her face froze.? But I reached out and shook her hand and welcomed her to ourteam.? Later, she approached meabashedly and tried to apologize for what had happened in the past.? I told her not to worry; it was quiteall right with me.? To help herfeel comfortable, I then took her out for lunch.? When we got back to the office, I jokingly told her, “Getback to work now!" and we laughedtogether.? Since then, she’s becomeone of my most cherished workers.

Can you see how learning to make the best of everysituation, including that painful one at school, has led me to discoversomething great -- that courage begins with character??Courage not only means being able to do something new, it also meansbeing able to be someonenew.? The ultimate measure of aperson is not where they stand in moments of comfort, but where they stand intimes of challenge and controversy.?I’ve come to learn that growing into a good, solid character requiresrising to levels of self-esteem that so many of us doubt we have.

One way by which you can enhance your own self-esteem is todo as I did, and make it really clear to those around you who you trulyare.? When you know who you trulyare, and act based on who you truly are, you’ll realize, as I did back then inhigh school, that no one can harm you unless you choose to keep them around andallow them to trouble you.

? 2008 Inc.All rights reserved.

You may use, reprint orrepublish this article as long as you include the copyright and companyinformation with live link.