And the best? When it becomes a real relationship.



But how often does that happen?

Not as often as it could, even though friends mean well.

Fortunately this simple prep work can improve your success rate:

1. Tell friends, relatives, neighbors, etc. what you're looking for. Be specific, but not intimidatingly so. Describe the traits that matter to you. Skip the rest.

In the process of exploration, you may discover additional qualifications—or erase some unnecessaries from your list.

Keep potential matchmakers informed. Never overburden them with too many specifics or too many changes. Make sure they never think you are relying on them as your only path to romantic bliss.

2. Let everyone know that thoughts they have, or introductions they make, will be appreciated and not dissed. Keep your word—even if it kills you.

Does that mean you're not allowed to re-clarify what you need and want after

an awkward fix-up or two?

Nope. It just means that no one should feel you are unappreciative, nasty or demanding about something they are doing simply out of friendship.

3. If your fix-up providers are single and looking, set them up with someone cool—but never with someone you secretly want for yourself.

Half-hearted efforts are insulting. If you're thinking of a possible fix-up, and you're just not sure, ask for input. Who knows what she wants better than she does? (Or he, of course.)

4. Be appreciative of all efforts, even if imperfect. Give tons of credit for what they are doing right. And a gentle hint about what could be better: “He had the coolest eyes and so amazingly polite! You know what I like, Kim. If he didn't live in another state, I'd have proposed myself, I swear. I'm just no good at long-distance romance.”

5. Tell potential matchmakers what you don't mind in a date if it's unusual. Otherwise friends may assume your preferences are like theirs. For example, a friend of mine who is five-foot-eleven-without-heels doesn't mind guys who are five inches shorter.

She doesn't prefer them, but it is really okay with her as long as they are smart, confident, and warm-hearted.

Without this information, we might have steered away from certain introductions. Today she dates a five-foot-seven attorney and is blissfully happy.

Same goes for not caring too much about looks, bank accounts, religion, or educational level. Or caring very deeply about certain of these.

When a match happens, no matter how long it took or how fleeting it is, thank your helpers profusely. If you can, repay their efforts.

Like the dinner guest who knows when to come, when to leave, and how to say thank you with sincerity, you'll get invited back. ©2008 by Wendy Lapidus-Saltz. All rights reserved.