- I'm going to exercise more - I'm going to lose some weight - I will try to get rid of my bad habits - I won't let little things get to me any more - I'm going to start making wiser choices about money



We all start out with the best of intentions but as March 23rd rolls around we reflect on all the ways we've already let our goals slide. It's easy to feel like we are letting ourselves and those we love down.

The concept of setting resolutions is worthy and helpful for most people. When you are chronically ill, however, resolutions can be wearisome and even scary. Most of the time our bodies and our health, therefore our lives, are out of our control. The effects of chronic pain can be devastating I you dwell on it. Though losing five pounds a month seems reasonable, a prescription of medication can quickly add on the pounds, despite our best dieting efforts. Even small goals seem hopeless.

The list of why we may "fail" at our resolutions even seems justified.

--> I'm going to exercise more . . . And then the town closes down the only indoor pool for winter construction

--> I'm going to get rid of those extra pounds . . . It seems every chronic pain medication I get has a list of side effects that say, "May cause weight gain." May? They all do!

--> I'm going to stop spending so much money . . . And then one emergency room visit sets you back two-thousand dollars

So how do we move forward when everything seems stacked against us?

First, if you didn't set any goals in January, give yourself a pat on the back. No universal rule has been broken that said you must start your New Year's goals in January. The month of January is a time for recovery. You're likely exhausted from the holidays, the travel, or visiting relatives. And most people with illness pack December's calendar full of doctor's appointments too, before their health insurance deductibles all start over in the new years. If you've managed to survive January without any colds or infections, you're in the minority. And in most parts of the country the weather alone can make you feel disabled.

Secondly, make some changes without labeling anything a "resolution." When you go to grab snacks at the store, get items with high fiber, soy, sugar-free, organic, or even those that have immune boosts. Check with a dietician about what some healthy choices would be, taking your illness into consideration. Little changes will eventually add up, and you can have the pleasure of knowing you are working towards your objective.

Thirdly, write down what kinds of things you value. Instead of vowing, "I'm going to spend less money," think about what you really treasure. For example, would you like to go on a missions trip, using your own experience to help others with disabilities? (If so, call Joni and Friends International Disability Center; they often have people with illness go on these trips too.) Rather than listing "get some chronic pain management skills" as a goal, ask around for chronic pain management support groups, counselors, life coaches that specialize in chronic pain, and local hospitals that offer free workshops. You don't have to spend thousands of dollars on spa treatments to get some chronic pain treatment. Stick your list on your refrigerator or on your bathroom mirror to be a daily reminder of what you are specifically saving money for.

Fourthly, find a friend who has an illness who will unite in supporting you with your goals and you hers. Stress management helps illness and a healthy friend who says, "Well, you're never going to lose any weight until you join me at the gym. They have a new boot camp special that would be perfect for you!" will quickly leave you depressed and disheartened. Chronic pain and depression often go hand in hand. Our health is so out of our control that it's important to have someone who can help you see what goals are reasonable and which ones are a bit irrational under the circumstances.

Fifth, don't be so hard on yourself. When you make a less than perfect choice, give yourself the gift of grace, not guilt. You will have hundreds of do-overs in the next month to make better choices. Strive for making the right choice at least half the time and then take small steps forward, encouraged by your success. And remember, not doing certain things that are detrimental to your goals count as successes too. Skipping the drive-thru restaurant for that large fry you were craving was an admirable choice!

Lastly, set goals that are fun too! Stress and illness is draining and not everything in our lives needs to be fixed. There is no better chronic pain relief than adding more joy to your life. Call people you've met in the past that you admire and ask them if they would have breakfast with you. Go to the movies each month. And when you meet a step towards your goal, such as cleaning out the closet to become more organized, reward yourself. Go buy a chic new hat that brings out the diva side of you that you've been hiding. Living with chronic pain means forcing yourself being silly sometimes.

By having levelheaded expectations about your goals in addition to some compassionate friends, you'll likely discover that you are one of the few people who have reached a few of those New Year's goals. And regardless of how many aspirations you didn't reach, you will definitely have discovered how to live with more joy. You will feel less guilt about what you've not been able to do and instead, appreciate all that you are able to accomplish.