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Am I Too Shy

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With a background in psychology and many years of personal development coaching under my belt, I could give you some extraordinarily complicated theory to explain your shyness, but I won't. You see, the simple answer is, "You are shy because you have developed a habit of being shy." That's it.



I'm sorry to disappoint anyone looking for a more complicated or exciting answer. But the simple truth is that shyness is a learned response that becomes a habit by repetition, just like any other habit you may have, and in fact, it is no more difficult to change than any other habit.

Consider this (slightly silly) example: when you're getting dressed in the morning, which sock do you put on first; your right or your left? Odds are, you have a habit of always putting on either the right or left sock first. This is an example of a simple habit, formed by common repetition and then performed mostly on autopilot for the rest of your life.

But what if one day you decided to reverse the order you put on your socks-- you wanted to establish a new habit? What would it take to make this happen?

Awareness...

That's right-awareness is all you really need to change the sock habit (or any other). But this requires you to pay attention every time you are getting dressed. In other words, no more running on autopilot!

Now this is the stumbling block that trips up many people who are trying to change a well-established habit, no matter if that habit is sock order or learned shyness! People don't want to have to think about it so much-and who could blame them, they're used to letting their autopilot handle all this and not giving it a second thought. Besides, paying attention to your habits is boring, right? Not Necessarily...

The key to paying attention to your actions, and changing the habit of shyness is...wait for it..."playing games".

Playing mental games when you are in social situations is the fastest and easiest way to change the habit of shyness. One great example of a mental game (or "strategy") that works well is modeling the behavior of someone you consider to be very outgoing. You do this by asking yourself simple questions like:

1. What would ___________do in this situation (fill in the blank with the name of the person you are modeling)?

2. How would ________feel in this situation?

3. What would _______think and say right now?

The person you model can be someone you know, or a celebrity you've never met-it really doesn't matter. The important point is that this person must represent the opposite of shyness to you. Also, you don't have to worry so much about the answers to the above questions; simply asking the questions to yourself calmly will start your subconscious mind looking for answers and you will find yourself gradually taking on some of the characteristics of this person.

Now some people will protest, "This is all well and good, but I want to be myself-I don't want to imitate anyone else." Don't worry-you will be yourself. No matter how much you try to imitate someone else, you cannot help but be who you are. It is impossible to take on someone else's personality-all you can do is affect some of their reactions and mannerisms. But the good news is, that's all you have to do.

Modeling behavior can work miracles in your life, and there is absolutely no chance you will "become" the other person or "lose" your natural personality. Humans just aren't made that way.

But you can certainly learn new habits of interacting with other people. And the more fun and "game like" you make this exercise, the better it works.

It you've been asking yourself, "Why am I shy," try looking at it as nothing more than a habit. The simple but effective concept of modeling behavior can change this habit quickly. Just keep it light and keep it fun- you'll be surprised how outgoing you can become using this easy strategy.
Am I Too Shy
This week we learned the median price of a house in Southern California dropped from $500,000 to $325,000 in twelve months. In my county in the Bay Area the median house price dropped from $770,000 to $582,000 in one year. These drops in price have amounted to almost $200,000 per house in one year.

This is a truly disturbing trend. Let's say my net worth drops from $1,000,000 to $600,000. Do I mentally and perceptually have to scale back my self esteem 40%? "I'm less the man I was a year ago by about 40% or $400,000." What a bummer!

That's not the way it's supposed to go. Everyone said "get moving up the housing equity ladder and sooner or later one would either be rich or have a steady refinancing income." Right.

So a lot of folks one sees walking around the streets of Salinas, Stockton and Santa Cruz are only shadows of their former selves because they truly feel they are less than they once were.

Their elevated self opinions have taken a big hit and they just aren't the hot stuff they were some time back. They are not smiling. They are not happy campers. Life is one big bummer.

Five years of equity growth wiped out in one year. And more of the same down the road.

Fortunately misery does love company and we are not seeing mass suicides by the fact that equity loss is the number one group therapy topic in coffee shops and workout gyms in the Bay Area. This and the uncomfortable realization there is no security. The realtor lied. Houses don't always keep going up.

As a reaction to the widespread fraud perpetuated by subprime loan underwriting, lenders are now actually making buyers come up with a down payment and verify income.

As it looks right now, the banks and investment firms will get the bailout and the government and consumer the tab. So if I really want to be crazy I will still try to be caught up in the moment and buy that dream house right in the middle of a declining market. Right. Smart strategy.

That means I will have to wait until the market bottoms out and then starts to rise before I can hope that it eventually gets back to the point at which I signed the mortgage. That could be 3-5 years in some areas and 5-10 years in other areas. Not much of an investment but like the realtor said, ' it's not just a house, it's equity in your very own home.'

"I lost $500, 000," the victim proudly touts, "and it could be worse next year." Right. That's certainly more likely than you admitting that for the past 20 years you have slaved like a beast of burden to increase your personal equity so you could once and for all get rid of your inferiority complex 'middle class feeling'. Right. And just where do you think you will end up?

In fact you get this sinking feeling that if you had it to do over again you wouldn't do it the same way. Going sideways is not only less glamorous but not very unproductive.

But it's always too late to act and once again, depressed and depraved souls will question their reason for being and cling to their guns and rock and roll to lessen the pain. And maybe a bottle of Jack Daniels now and again.

Those that can't afford the ten dollar shots at the Uptown Deco Lounge will be relegated to sipping Wild Turkey in back alleys and church cemeteries. Men will huddle against the cold and wind as they yearn for the days when at least on paper they were worth millions.

Henry David Thoreau said the farmhouse imprisons the farmer so in the end maybe a really good tent isn't so bad after all. As long as it isn't in the snow. Or mud.

Children will someday ask their parents what it felt like to be paper millionaires as mama's and papa's eyes get glassy remembering when high self esteem matched high personal equity.

"Well son, it felt like being a lot more about being whole and a lot less about feeling worthless." The son is bummed. Short term he realizes he is getting royally shafted.

But not to worry, Junior There is always hope. Not much maybe, but some. If we didn't have hope what would we have except a lot of worthless mortgages exceeding assessed value.

Maybe ours is not to reason why but hope things get better so we can get back to doing what we do best and that is building personal equity. Or perhaps the illusion of building personal equity. When that happens our frowns will turn to smiles and things will start to move in the right direction.

So don't be foolish. Just because you have the chance to get out of the rat race and perhaps discover and actuate the real you, doesn't mean you have to. You can continue on the treadmill until another bust comes along and again takes the wind out of your sails. There is no law prohibiting you from being a complete fool. And there is no reason to live a lie, no?

But no matter what you do never buy the argument that you might be happier living a simpler life without the artificial trappings of status and materialism. If enough people begin to feel that way our way of life will be in trouble.

Dios Mio! If that happens imagine everyone will walk around quoting Walden and not arguing about whom has the worst home equity decline...
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About Author
Both Jon Mercer & Jack Deal are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Jon Mercer has sinced written about articles on various topics from Public Speaking, Cure Anxiety and Web Development. Jon Mercer is an author, personal development coach and developer of "The UltraConfidence System." . Jon Mercer's top article generates over 27100 views. to your Favourites.

Jack Deal has sinced written about articles on various topics from Computers and The Internet, Health and Web Development. Jack D. Deal owns JD Deal Business Consulting, Watsonville and Santa Cruz, California 95062 831-457-8806. Related articles, ideas, strategies, tactics and tips can be found at
Beautiful Bouquet Of Flowers
If you are sending flowers to someone with a black thumb, you may want to try sending a dried floral arrangement instead
 
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