Natural Beauty

eg: UK or Brides UK or Classical Art or Buy Music or Spirituality
 
eg: UK or Brides UK or Classical Art or Buy Music or Spirituality
 
Business & Money
Technology
Women
Health
Education
Family
Travel
Cars
Entertainment
SD Editorials
Online Guide and article directory site.
Foodeditorials.com
Over 15,000 recipes & editorials on food.
Lyricadvisor.com
Get 100,000 Lyric & Albums.
  • Business & Money
    • A Guide to Business
    • Guide to Finance
    • Ideas for Marketing
    • Legal Guide
    • Guide to Insurance
    • Lettre De Motivation
    • Guide to the Stock Market
    • Human Resource Career
    • Sales Marketing
    • Forex & Trading
    • Advertising & Marketing
    • Startup Guide
  • Technology
    • Guide to Technology
    • Cell Phones
    • Computer Software
    • IT Hardwares
    • Internet
    • Online Security
    • Cameras
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Science & Technology
  • Women
    • Guide to Women
    • Relationship Advice
    • Marriage
    • Jewelry
    • Pregnancy
    • Fashion Style
    • Divorce Guide
    • Wedding Guide
    • Dating Guide
    • Natural Beauty
  • Health
    • Guide to Health
    • Guide to Medical
    • Plastic Surgery
    • Weight Loss
    • Sports
    • Body Wellness
    • Cancer Treatment
    • Common Illness
    • Health & Lifestyle
  • Education
    • Military Service
    • Politics and Policy
    • Arts & Humanities
    • Education and Teaching
    • Learn Languages
    • Colleges & Universities
  • Family
    • Quality Home Improvement
    • Hobbies and Interests
    • Family Guide to
    • Pet Guide
    • Loans Guide
    • Credit Cards
    • Gardening Guide
    • Home Security
    • Real Estate
    • Home Decor
    • Gift & Present
  • Travel
    • The Travel Guide
    • Adventure Travel
    • Cruise Ships
    • Beach Holiday
    • Travel Accommodation
    • Holiday Destinations
  • Cars
    • Information on Cars
    • Traffic Violations
    • Auto Insurance
    • Trailers
    • Sport Cars
    • The Bikes
  • Entertainment
    • Entertainment Guide
    • World Music
    • Photo & Video
    • Television & Games

Assertiveness And Different Relationships

    View: 
In my outpatient psychology practice, I hear so many questions



about being assertive. What is it? How does it work? When is it

needed or effective? Can you use it at work? What about with

intimates? In school? With anyone?

Assertiveness is about sharing some aspect of our experience

with others. My favorite metaphor is playing cards. We lay down

our cards, face up for our opponent to see. We are sharing what is

in our hand. By way of analogy, we communicate what is on our minds,

or express our feelings, presumably using words. Ideally, we do

so in a matter-of-fact manner, without much fanfare or drama.

It is a transaction and we execute it with increasing adroitness,

proportional to our training and practice.

Assertiveness is a skill that should transcend environments and

relationships. If we are truly assertive, it should not matter so

much where we are and with whom we communicate. In theory, it should

work anywhere with anyone.

In actual practice, assertiveness is not quite so clean and easy.

Assertiveness works best with intimates even though there is the most

potential fallout from being honest. In theory, intimate

communication works least well with acquaintances even though there is

less likelihood of a negative response from people we do not know well

or with whom we are involved with less.

This is because in true assertiveness, the effectiveness

(and consequences) increases the more we share our feelings.

This puts us at risk with intimates because now "they know" how we

really feel. But it also puts us at risk with acquaintances because

we might breach a boundary; that is, say too much that is personal to

someone who is not really a friend.

For the acquaintances, assertiveness comes out more cognitively;

that is, intellectually, devoid of too many feelings. In these

types of communications, assertiveness pretty much sticks to the

issues to be discussed, not our visceral reactions. With a boss,

for example, we can ask for a raise or complain about the workload,

but the communication will be transactional; that is, centered on a

narrow task, expectation or work experience. If the boss is our

friend, which can happen, assertiveness is easier from the feelings

point of view, but then becomes more complicated because now this

person in power also is privy to our feelings, not just our work

performance.

The antidote to these dilemmas is to first ask ourselves what

is the level of interpersonal depth of the relationship in question.

In the above example, we might ask, "How close am I to the boss,

really?" If the answer is questionable, assertiveness will tend

to be transactional. Stick to the more intellectual communication.

Stay focused on the situation or event and describe it in literal

terms, leaving feelings to be inferred by the listener.

More personal relationships have less censoring of personal

information and feelings, which can more easily be described using

actual feeling words. Friends also require less "pre-structuring"

(see below) of the communication. We just "go for it" because

with friends we have tacit permission.

However, with friends, many of us worry that because they are

friends, they will now keep this deeper communication longer.

If the communication happens to be less than ideal

(negative thoughts and feelings), it may haunt us in more personal

ways, and maybe for a long time.

A simple way to overcome these worries is to create some

communication before the communication (pre-structuring).

Try simply asking a person if he or she wants the polite or the

honest response to some issue. Or, phrase it another way.

"Do you want the superficial or deep answer?" This nets a

surprisingly good response from a lot of people. It allows the

other person to cue us about the desired depth of communication.

That way, we are less likely to offend someone by being too

personal, nor to insult anyone if we keep things on the surface.

Dr. Griggs
More Articles from
Health Tips Pg432
You Are Feeling Better
You Can Change Your Hair You Can Change Your Clothes
You Can Lose Weight
You Cant Hide Redneck
You Change My Life By Sarah Geronimo
You Dont Fool Me
You Eat You Cook
You Got To Keep Moving
You Just What I Need
You Know You Need Somebody
You Know You Re From
You Love Me Tonight
You Need To Lose Weight
You Say Good Bye
You Was Right Baby
You Wont Find This Lyrics
You Wouldn T Be Gone
Youve Got To Move
Young And Wild And Free
Young Women And Older Men
» More on
Health Tips
  • Related Articles
  • Author
  • Most Popular
Steven Griggs, Ph.d. has sinced written about articles on various topics from Marketing, Cure Anxiety and Health. This is one of several articles about when and where assertiveness works (workplace vs. with friends) and some pointers on what to think about beforehand.. Steven Griggs, Ph.d.'s top article generates over 14800 views. to your Favourites.
Auto Sales By Manufacturer
You can know everything about everything, but if you never use it, then what good is it?Let me leave you with this last quote Successful people do all of the things unsuccessful people dont want t...
 
A Guide to Business | Guide to Technology | Guide to Women | Guide to Health | Family Guide to | Travel & Vacations | Information on Cars

EditorialToday Natural Beauty has 3 sub sections. Such as Acne & Skin, Women and Beauty and Beauty Tips. With over 20,000 authors and writers, we are a well known online resource and editorial services site in United Kingdom, Canada & America . Here, we cover all the major topics from self help guide to A Guide to Business, Guide to Finance, Ideas for Marketing, Legal Guide, Lettre De Motivation, Guide to Insurance, Guide to Health, Guide to Medical, Military Service, Guide to Women, Pet Guide, Politics and Policy , Guide to Technology, The Travel Guide, Information on Cars, Entertainment Guide, Family Guide to, Hobbies and Interests, Quality Home Improvement, Arts & Humanities and many more.
About Editorial Today | Contact Us | Terms of Use | Submit an Article | Our Authors