When I was growing up, I used to dream of becoming a detective like the ones I saw on television. My favorite was Columbo. He might not have been that handsome, but he got to the bottom of every crime and did so in such a way that the crooks never saw him coming. I also enjoyed Matt Helm because he always had a beautiful woman on his arm. Starsky and Hutch rode around in the coolest car and I could just imagine myself as a cool detective who solved all the crimes and got all the babes.



The old detective shows greatly differ from the new ones. The new ones are filled with graphic violence and plots that would have made my mother ban me from watching TV. Still, I find it fascinating that they can solve a crime with a single drop of blood or strand of hair. Even Columbo would have been impressed.

A while ago, during a moment of mid life crisis, I considered giving up my desk job and becoming a private detective. I did a little research and found out that much of private detective work involves sitting at a desk much like the one I'm sitting at now. No longer do you have to go from place to place to find out information about people, you can do most of it from your computer. Still, they do get some juicy cases like following around an errant spouse.

They even have TV shows designed around this theme. They get hired by a person who suspects their partner of cheating on them. Then they follow that person around with a camera, recording every move that they make. What I find hard to believe is how open they are about what they are doing. They don't bother to go skulking down alleys, but openly go to restaurants and clubs with the people that they are cheating with. My favorite moment is when they are confronted by the cameras and their partners. The looks of surprise on their faces never fail to crack me up. Talk about being humiliated and on TV, in front of million of people! Serves them right for cheating, they get no sympathy from me.

I have a sister in Pittsburgh who has started going out with a man I feel is a decidedly shady character. After six months, she still hasn't been invited to his home. They can only meet at her apartment. I offered to pay for a detective to get his background information and make sure that he is truly single and legit. She wasn't thrilled with the idea, but promised me that she would consider it. After what I've seen watching these TV shows, you can never be too careful.