We continue our series on how to build interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone. Commitment and love are important to all of us; they are worth fighting for; they are worth working for. You also should know that in spite of many promises there is no secret for success, no checklist of things to do, and just as importantly no checklist of things not to do. But we do have suggestions, now continuing with the letter D. The focus is on dance, dependable, determined, and debonair.



D is for dance. You may draw the conclusion that we are talking about dating and intimate relationships. Of course dancing is a great way to get the object of your affection into your arms early in the game. Dancing can also be a fine way to keep the home fires burning, if you know what I mean. But dancing is also important in other relationships. Here we are not talking about dancing with a friend's spouse or a co-worker at the office Christmas party. If you dance under those circumstances make sure to stay away from his or her arms. Keep a clear distance between you and make it short. To build work and other non-intimate, non-romantic relationships, you really have to dance the dance. Otherwise you may have to face the music.

D is for dependable. It is so important that people know they can count on you. Just think what it means to a harassed administrator to know that he or she need not check up on you continuously. You got the assignment, you verified some sticky points, and now the ball is in your court. You don't have to be reminded what to do, and you deliver status reports without being told or even asked. You are dependable. Guess who should be in line for a promotion? Dependability is just as important in personal relationships, whether it be doing the dishes, driving the kids to day camp, or whatever.

D is for determined. Make your decision and go out there and do what you have to do. Don't dally and don't waver. People will know that you can and that you will make it happen. And when your yes means yes, they will more readily accept your occasional no.

D is for debonair. There is nothing wrong with dressing well. Don't be a dandy, and don't overdo it. When my wife dressed appropriately for her job as a teacher's aide, in the director's eyes she did not rate consideration as a teacher. Then she started dressing fancier. She was hired just as soon as the first teaching job became available. The extra cleaning bills were definitely worth it. Dress the part, the part that you want.