If you have just found out that your spouse has been cheating on you, it is likely that you are on the lookout for answers. The emotions of hurt, anger, sadness and even fear of the future can accompany finding out about a spouse's infidelity. You may be asking yourself: "How could he or she do this to me?"



The specific reasons for marital affairs range as far and wide as do the people who commit them. Of course, the real reasons for having affair often has to do with how the cheating spouse feels about him or herself: they may be looking for reassurance that they are still attractive and desirable. However, intertwined with this general need for excitement or reassurance is the complex of feelings they feel about their spouse (you, in this case). Often, cheating spouses feel dissatisfied with their marriage.

Here are 5 of the most common causes of marital affairs:

1. You have been taking the relationship for granted lately

If you spent the months or years before the affair began largely taking your spouse for granted, that could be one of the reasons for the affair. Of course, you would have probably not done this to your on purpose - few people do. Rather, we take someone for granted when we assume that they will always be there for us. This attitude toward your spouse can manifest in your not being polite, being good company, or spending enough quality time with him or her.

2. You treat him or her with a lack of respect and appreciation

If your spouse is one of those nice people who always seems to be doing things for everyone else but largely neglecting their own needs, you may have fallen into a pattern of treating him or her with a lack of respect and appreciation. Everyone, no matter how giving or loving, needs to feel that their good deeds are not going unnoticed.

3. You have let yourself go physically

If you have been letting yourself go over the past few years in terms of your physical appearance, that could be one of the reasons for your spouse's affair. After a couple has been together a long time, it is easy for them to spend less time focusing on their looks. This is unfortunate, because everyone prefers more attractive over less attractive in a mate any day.

4. You have become predictable

Most marriages fall into predictable patterns. The couple engages in the same activities most nights and weekends. Watch the same TV or cable shows. Eat at the same restaurants. This pattern can apply to individuals, as well. Being predictable is one of the steps on the path to becoming boring. If your spouse was going through a time where they felt they needed more excitement in their lives but couldn't find any with you, they may have sought the excitement elsewhere.

5. You lack new hobbies and interests

As they say, interested people are interesting. If you have kept yourself busy in your marriage with hobbies and other interests, you probably remained a very interesting person. If not, you may have lost a bit of that joy of life that was attractive to your spouse earlier on in your relationship.

Do you think that none of these are "good" reasons for an affair? I would agree with you 100%. Remember, there are no "good excuses" for having an affair - but there are reasons. And , sometimes the truth is not pretty. But, armed with the truth, you can put yourself in a much better position to mend your relationship after the affair.