Family Guide to

eg: UK or Brides UK or Classical Art or Buy Music or Spirituality
 
eg: UK or Brides UK or Classical Art or Buy Music or Spirituality
 
Business & Money
Technology
Women
Health
Education
Family
Travel
Cars
Entertainment
SD Editorials
Online Guide and article directory site.
Foodeditorials.com
Over 15,000 recipes & editorials on food.
Lyricadvisor.com
Get 100,000 Lyric & Albums.
  • Business & Money
    • A Guide to Business
    • Guide to Finance
    • Ideas for Marketing
    • Legal Guide
    • Guide to Insurance
    • Lettre De Motivation
    • Guide to the Stock Market
    • Human Resource Career
    • Sales Marketing
    • Forex & Trading
    • Advertising & Marketing
    • Startup Guide
  • Technology
    • Guide to Technology
    • Cell Phones
    • Computer Software
    • IT Hardwares
    • Internet
    • Online Security
    • Cameras
    • Search Engine Optimization
    • Science & Technology
  • Women
    • Guide to Women
    • Relationship Advice
    • Marriage
    • Jewelry
    • Pregnancy
    • Fashion Style
    • Divorce Guide
    • Wedding Guide
    • Dating Guide
    • Natural Beauty
  • Health
    • Guide to Health
    • Guide to Medical
    • Plastic Surgery
    • Weight Loss
    • Sports
    • Body Wellness
    • Cancer Treatment
    • Common Illness
    • Health & Lifestyle
  • Education
    • Military Service
    • Politics and Policy
    • Arts & Humanities
    • Education and Teaching
    • Learn Languages
    • Colleges & Universities
  • Family
    • Quality Home Improvement
    • Hobbies and Interests
    • Family Guide to
    • Pet Guide
    • Loans Guide
    • Credit Cards
    • Gardening Guide
    • Home Security
    • Real Estate
    • Home Decor
    • Gift & Present
  • Travel
    • The Travel Guide
    • Adventure Travel
    • Cruise Ships
    • Beach Holiday
    • Travel Accommodation
    • Holiday Destinations
  • Cars
    • Information on Cars
    • Traffic Violations
    • Auto Insurance
    • Trailers
    • Sport Cars
    • The Bikes
  • Entertainment
    • Entertainment Guide
    • World Music
    • Photo & Video
    • Television & Games

Changing Of The Seasons

    View: 
Have you looked at your mother lately? I mean, have you really looked at your mother lately? As a marketing counselor in a Continuous Care Retirement Community (CCRC) I have met many senior citizens and their families. It amazes me how many children continue to see their parents as the strong, in-charge person they were 30 years ago. They are accustomed to seeing their parents provide help and support; and truly fear seeing their mother or father struggling.



Recently, a couple from Delaware brought their father into our lifecare community to look at apartments in the independent living neighborhood. When I spoke to the son on the phone, I asked him how his father was managing at home. His reply was confident, "My Dad is fine, and does everything for himself." We set the appointment for later that week.

On the day of the appointment they arrived with Dad. I was concerned when I saw him. He was a tall, frail man, wearing a disheveled warm-up suit that looked like it needed washing. He could have also used a shave. However, when I reached for his hand to shake it, his bright blue eyes sparkled and he gave me a big smile, and a warm ”Hello.”

As we walked down the hall to see an apartment the older gentleman pulled me aside and quietly confided, "I can't do this. My legs are too weak to walk this far." I knew he needed Assisted Living, where the rooms and distances are more manageable, and 24-hour personal care is available.

I turned to the son and explained the situation. As our parents age, sometimes they need extra care and assistance. Everyone wants their parents to live independently as long as possible, but the ability to make good decisions and to care for oneself can slowly decline. Then there may be a crisis, and the immediate and sometimes emergency need for the help of another caring adult becomes suddenly apparent.

We then toured the Assisted Living neighborhood of the community. When we finished, the older gentleman turned to me, smiled kindly and said, "This is more like it."

When the father went to use the restroom, his son looked at me and said, "I just had no idea he was so frail."

This scenario is a common experience that occurs as seasons change in the lives of those we love. The son always saw his dad as the strong father figure of years ago. After a bit of probing, some of my questions revealed signs he hadn't seen. He admitted that his Dad had lost some weight recently, and told me that on their last visit he noticed a few 'Meals on Wheels" boxes sitting in the refrigerator, unopened. It was difficult for this loving son to acknowledge that his father had aged and needed assistance with daily tasks. A tear came to the son's eyes as he realized he had been in denial, and that he wasn't helping his father in the right way.

If you are wondering whether or not this experience could be yours, ask yourself the following questions, and you may quickly find the answer.

• Is your parent telling you that he is eating, but you're seeing food go bad in the refrigerator?

• Is s/he covering up bruises from falling that s/he doesn't want you to see?

• Have you seen your parent wearing the same clothes when you go to visit?

• Does s/he hear strange noises in the night?

• When you look around the house or yard, is it as neat and clean as it used to be?

• Is your parent able to take medications correctly?

• Does your parent respond appropriately to an emergency?

When you really look at your parent, do you see the bright and vibrant person from years ago, or do you really see a more limited person who needs some help one hour a day, three hours a day, or around the clock?

As children, it is important to recognize when our parents need help. We have a responsibility to see that they are properly cared for, comfortable, and secure. So I ask you once again,

.. . have your really looked at your parent lately?
Changing Of The Seasons
I had not seen snow in 21 years, that is, until I recently rode through a snowstorm in Cheyenne, Wyoming mountains. Nor did I clearly remember how the leaves change in autumn on the east coast, and how they resemble flames leaping towards the sky in shades of persimmon, cardamom, amber, burgundy and rust. But I recently witnessed all this and more by going to the Baltimore Book Festival the weekend of September 27, 2002. Although I could write about having an exquisite dinner at the Renaissance Hotel overlooking the harbor or the workshop I conducted on "Writing Compelling Fiction," it was the seasons that spoke to me.

These two incidents-the snow and the leaves changing-reminded me how much I have missed the pageantry of the seasons. As I took a slow leisurely trip across the states, I thought of how living in the Los Angeles area for the last 21 years has blinded me to the changing seasons. Even so, I don't know if this would have helped me to recognize another passing season in my life. I am facing the impending loss of my last living parent. My father, age 83, who has crippling arthritis, has deteriorated since I saw him last year. Surprisingly, I do not feel sadness, but a resignation, a sense that this is part of the life cycle. Like the song, "Everything must change."

This is a very different reaction from when I lost my mother. I was so totally unprepared when my mother died of a sudden heart attack on December 1, 1993 that I felt a rage, almost a railing against God. How could You? How dare You take this woman, who I was just realizing was my root, who carried me inside of her, whose very hand movements I saw mimicked in my own? This period was to become what I later saw as the darkest winter of my life. Looking back, I think my reaction was part of what often marks the loss of the first parent, particularly the mother.

These are the things, we, as writers, must mark in our writing--the changing seasons of our lives, of our characters, of their journeys and how our characters react to them.

After the Baltimore Book Festival, I stopped in Detroit. While there, I took my father out from his new residence-a nursing home-to get a milkshake at McDonald's, and while pushing him in his wheelchair, I felt like the parent. I was no longer angry about his being human, his frailties, his failings, (which have been more glaring since my mother's death.) I just wanted him to feel the sun on his tissue-like skin, through which you could see the blue veins.

I immersed myself totally in the moment. We were enjoying the sunshine. No matter all the calls I'd received from my hometown, Detroit, about how horrible it is about Daddy, "He's in this new crisis," or "that new crisis"-I was no longer upset. In the manner of a former social worker, I decided to reframe the issue. Instead of looking at my father's slow demise as, "Isn't it awful how we grow old and die?" let's look at it as how the seasons in life change. As a writer, we often write from the premise, "What if ..." So I say, what if we reframe some of the issues of being part of the sandwich generation-dealing with children/grandchildren/elderly parents? What if this is a celebration?

I saw my father's mood lift as I told him how fortunate he was to have four sons who have looked out for him, as well as three daughters. How blessed he is as a Black man, to have children who have made his life better, financially, when we all went to work. I saw the relief in my brothers' eyes as I commended them for the good care they've provided for my father over the past nine years, which includes putting him in a nursing home in the past month, even if it has been against my father's wishes, but was for his greater good.

Then it hit me. My siblings and I are now the older generation. Moreover, as a writer, I am now a teacher-the young come to me for advice. I am responsible to hand down the stories from past generations to the next generation as to how we, as a people, survived, which is why I feel it is important for us to write down our stories. Sadly, for African-Americans, much history was lost because, although there was the oral tradition, many people failed to write their stories down on paper.

As a writing technique, I saw a pattern. In writing, a symbolic spring and summer generally connote an upward spiral in our characters' lives. For instance, the characters fall in love, buy a home, have a baby, and get promotions. They are happy.

Paradoxically, a figurative fall and winter generally depict a downward spiral, which is often called the "inciting incident," in a story. Someone no longer loves you and leaves you. Someone dies suddenly. Or perhaps a loved one is the victim of senseless violence. The character becomes sad. Like a sudden blizzard upsetting one's orderly life, the character's world is thrown out of balance.

This is the heart of fiction. No one wants to hear about how great your character's life is. Fiction is about trouble. So even the perfect life needs to get upset to keep your reader turning pages. At the same time, though, I think that we should learn to see the good in these downward spirals and make use of them in our writing. Although these bad times are what compel the reader on, we should show the upside of this, too. It is generally during the "symbolic" winter that our character's mettle will be tested, and the reader will find out what they are made from. As a writer, you might ask, how does the character change and grow through this wintry season? Does he go from cynical to optimistic? Mistrustful to trusting? Stingy to altruistic (such as Scrooge)? The character can also go through the reverse of these cycles.

Ironically, just as winter signifies death, (eg. death of a relationship, death of our youth, death of our illusions,) there is a certain element of resurrection in this final eventuality. For it is generally after we go through a disaster, we are plopped flat on our backs, sometimes literally, and forced, (even if against our will,) to reflect. What comfort or sustenance does the character find then? For instance, to this day, I marvel at how my mother is reborn over and over again on a wintry day when I drink a hot cup of soup, which was one of her many ways of nurturing.

Now I wonder. What memories will my father's last winter bring me? Will it be his love of a good anecdote or his story-telling ability that he handed down to me? I don't know. But this I do know. In the midst of life, we are in death, so as writers we must embrace those special, magical moments that make up our humanity. After all, as John Irving ended his novel in The World According To Garp, " ... we are all terminal cases."

Copyright (c) 2006 Black Butterfly Press
More Articles from
Family Concerns Pg4
The Adams Family Values
The Baby Name Wizard
The Baby Sitter Club
The Bad Mother Handbook
The Best Deal Ever
The Best Kids Songs
The Best Naruto Cosplay
The Best Of Country
The Best Part Of The Day
The Best Photo Sharing
The Bucket List Review
The Child With Special Needs
The Cool Kids Live
The Cost Of Having A Baby
The Country Family Reunion
The Development Of Children
The Dnc Swing Baby Swing
The Easter Egg Hunt
The Ergo Baby Carrier
The Family At Christmas
» More on
Family Concerns
  • Related Articles
  • Author
  • Most Popular
•Aerial Maps Of The, by Julia Tanner
•Causes Of The Seasons, by Michael Russell
•Changing Of The Guard, by Ingrid Cliff
•Changing Of The Guard Tomb Of The Unknown Soldier, by Susan Friedmann
•Changing Of The Seasons, by Paulette Kaufman
About Author
Both Paulette Kaufman & Maxine Thompson are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.

Paulette Kaufman has sinced written about articles on various topics from Family Concerns. . Paulette Kaufman's top article generates over 9900 views. to your Favourites.

Maxine Thompson has sinced written about articles on various topics from Book Reviews, Unsecured Loans and Family Concerns. Dr. Maxine E. Thompson is the owner of Black Butterfly Press, Maxine Thompson's Literary Services, Thompson Literary Agency and
Airsoft Guns With Scope
What you should remember is that it is always better to be safe than sorry
 
A Guide to Business | Guide to Technology | Guide to Women | Guide to Health | Family Guide to | Travel & Vacations | Information on Cars

EditorialToday Family Guide to has 2 sub sections. Such as Family Gatherings and Parenting Guide. With over 20,000 authors and writers, we are a well known online resource and editorial services site in United Kingdom, Canada & America . Here, we cover all the major topics from self help guide to A Guide to Business, Guide to Finance, Ideas for Marketing, Legal Guide, Lettre De Motivation, Guide to Insurance, Guide to Health, Guide to Medical, Military Service, Guide to Women, Pet Guide, Politics and Policy , Guide to Technology, The Travel Guide, Information on Cars, Entertainment Guide, Family Guide to, Hobbies and Interests, Quality Home Improvement, Arts & Humanities and many more.
About Editorial Today | Contact Us | Terms of Use | Submit an Article | Our Authors