Somewhere sometime we learned to cover up our feelings of shyness, not feeling good enough, feeling under skilled, a fraud, a pile of turd... whatever was our particular damage. And to over-compensate, we learn to do the bravado thing making a show of boldness. This is actually alienating rather than relationship making... including alienation from ourselves which makes us feel living dead.



I know because that's how I was once. I strutted around in my power suit ostensibly doing stuff and fearing I would get found out as oh so under par. Putting on the bravado overcoat was my default position too!

And, yeah, I know it takes courage and willingness to do the repairing work... but not a load of time as you might have been led to believe by traditional personal developers or therapists. Believe me, it's 'reclaiming work'. Confidence is part of our heritage as human beings. It's part of our birthright.

Think you were born that way? Then tell me, how many babies or young toddlers do you come across with a confidence issue??? It's a learned behaviour rather than innate. As such you can unlearn it and replace it with your natural confidence which is still available to you even if well buried to begin with.

We can then became far more intuitive, compassionate and effective leaders, executives & managers whatever our work arena. Less energy tied up in self-defence creates more energy for being present to the moment, the person or people with whom we work, our stakeholders, our community and ultimately our world.

Three powerful yet simple tips to get started...

#1 Use the language of appreciation in your self-talk

That might feel very alien at first as you're used to being adversely criticised rather than praised. Turn that around by telling yourself... Great job! I was brill! Well done! Congratulations! You did great! Way to go!

'The language we use creates our reality'. So make yours positive instead of telling yourself you're stupid, silly, slow, one slice short of a sandwich or going to mess it up. End of!

Turn your self-talk to things like... I'm cool, quick on the up-take, I enjoy my point of view, I liked the way I spoke with the team, I know what I'm doing.

#2 Surround yourself with confidence

Write the word 'confidence' in lower case letters on post-its and plaster them where-ever you spend time. That activates a part of your brain which starts programming in what you want to achieve... in this case, confidence!

Similarly read books about confidence and confident people, put pictures up that remind you of confidence, have a symbol of it on your desk, read quotations about it... anything that puts confidence at the head of your agenda 24/7!

#3 Dress softer

Bet you wear harsh colours and clothes with severe lines... like my now redundant power suits. Or could be you over-compensate for your bravado hardness with bright colours and more girly styles if you're a woman.

If you look in line with natural confidence you'll feel good. So soften up and emulate the dress sense of someone you know who flows with natural confidence. Could be someone alive, dead or fictional. And discover how their style of clothes help you move elegantly, smoothly and in flow.

*Lastly*, as the yellow cab driver replied to a young woman violin player when she asked the way to Carnegie Hall, "Practise, practise, practise!"

And when you're ready, which you will be pretty soon, relegate that bravado overcoat to the dustbin where it belongs.

© Sharon Eden 2009 All Rights Reserved