Frequently things will happen in life which contributes to us feeling stressed. We may be putting a lot of time and effort into doing things in order to improve our lives or make some CHANGES only to find that through no fault of our own, something happens or goes wrong. This leads us to have feelings of UNHAPPINESS. How often have you heard or perhaps uttered the words yourself, "Not something else!", or "What else can go wrong?" Most of us have said this at some time and felt some degree of exasperation or despair.



Sometimes we can "reframe" or look at the picture in a different way .When we do this we make it possible to feel less stressed and more in control.

Suggestion BE CREATIVE.-Think of a situation which has occurred in your life when you felt that everything seemed stacked against you. A time when you felt stressed by outside factors impacting upon your life.

Write down what your thoughts were at the time.

Did they help or hinder your situation?

How could you have viewed things differently?

Would doing this have made your situation easier for you to deal with in any way?

An example of a situation may be: moving house, a change of employment, pressure put on you by elderly relatives, planning an event such as a birthday celebration, a holiday, the break up of a relationship.

At times when we are stressed or feel that things are going badly for us, it is very easy to concentrate on negativity which reinforces the feelings we have of being out of control, of the expectation that things will continue to spiral downwards.

Try to get things more into perspective by: BEING CREATIVE

Reminding yourself about the things in life which are GOING WELL for you.

What are your past ACHIEVEMENTS?

What do you do WELL?

What gives you PLEASURE?

What PLANS you have for the future? If you don't have any GO GET SOME!

Look at your day and remind yourself of what you have managed to accomplish as opposed to ruminating about what you still have to get through.

If you find this difficult try another exercise. BE CREATIVE

Get together with a friend and ask him or her to write down 5 aspects about you from his perspective and you do the same for them.

Many people find it easier to think POSITIVELY about another person. Doing this exercise may help you to hone in on more POSITIVE aspects about your own life. When your friend is able to share with you how he views your situation, this can be enlightening and encourage more POSITIVE thoughts and HOPE in you.

Many of us were brought up to believe that asking questions is a helpful thing to do. "The more you ask, the more you will learn!"

There is some truth in this statement. An important aspect to consider is the type of questions you ask yourself.

Most of us ask "Why" questions. This gives us more information about a situation but will not necessarily help us move our situation forward.

Consider using "wisdom access questions". These questions often begin with "what" or "how". They can help us to generate ideas about what we can do or what is required to help us move a situation forward.

Examples of "Why questions are":

Why is this going on?

Why can't I make things easier for myself?

Why don't my colleagues see things in the way I do?

Why do I never get it right?

Why do my friends life's work out so much better?

Examples of more useful questions are: CREATIVE ones

What would enable me to deal with this?

What would help me to manage my situation differently?

What can I do to persuade my colleagues that ....

What can I learn from situations in my past and how I have dealt with them?

What can I learn from looking at how my friends deal with situations in their lives?

If you think that this is a technique which will help you deal better with situations in your life, the book "ASK WHAT NOT WHY" by Laura Berman Fortgang, will be a good investment.

Thinking CREATIVELY will allow us to be more in CONTROL of whether we are HAPPY. We will not be overwhelmed and made to feel unhappy because of extrinsic factors. Instead we will learn to look at things from a different angle, to view each experience as an OPPORTUNITY for learning, and find that the prospect of making decisions becomes less daunting. (Please see article on THE NO LOSE MODEL RE DECISION MAKING.)