Now, I don't know how many of you have actual enemies, arch nemeses, rivals, foes or adversaries. These descriptions seem pretty extreme, but sometimes in business, rivalries happen. They key is not to let them define us or impede us because unlike movie villains, most people are really just looking for friendlies.



Everywhere people go, they are looking for a friendly face. They are looking for someone to acknowledge them. It doesn't matter who you are, where you're going, or what you're doing, people look for this acknowledgment.

In our world, people are all the time sending out the signal looking for friendlies. All the time they are searching for people who are going to be nice to them.

Sadly, most of the time, the world ignores them.

Here's an important thing to remember as a persuader: You are going to get ignored. You will put yourself out there, open yourself up and people are going to flat out disregard you. But that's okay. This is a built up cynicism. They don't know better. You do. And you'll know how to influence them in a heartbeat.

So here's a weird incongruity--how is it that what people really, truly want in life is to be acknowledged and accepted and yet they end up not paying any attention when other people are acknowledging and accepting them? We are all conditioned. That's one thing. We set up boundaries early on. Maybe we're protecting ourselves against rejection, sheltering ourselves from disappointment. We're trying to keep up a wall that separates us from the "crazies" out there and we've opted to look down at our feet and appear occupied instead of extending our energy.

And despite all of this, despite the fact that you WILL be rejected, let us commit to stop ignoring people and to cutting back on our own rudeness.

Of course this rudeness isn't confined to the U.S, but it's definitely not as prevalent in other countries. Other cultures are quite different in terms of their unconscious hellos and a general openness to greeting people.

Several years ago I visited a Latin American country where I was woefully ignorant of their particular way of greeting. And I say woefully, because I had not only misinterpreted, but I had judged in the process.

I noticed the greeting first at the airport. A man tipped his head back and pursed his lips out. I didn't realize it was a greeting at that point, but instead believed this man to be hitting on me.

I was put off and became increasingly disturbed. Wherever I went, I'd encounter this same treatment. What the heck was going on? Was I suddenly irresistible to other men? Was I a hot commodity in the gay community? Of course not. But why was I being confronted with this kiss everywhere I went?

Well. . . As quick as I like to believe I am. . . EVENTUALLY, I realized what was going on. A fellow member of the religious group I was working with did the exact same thing and I was certain he was not looking to hook up with another man. That's when it dawned on me. The constricted and limited cultural frame I was looking through immediately expanded and I began noticing EVERYONE was doing the same exact thing.

The second I realized this, I began to mirror the behavior and my discomfort dissipated into acceptance of this new culture.