Roxanne Howe-Murphy, Ed.D.



www.lifewisecoaching.com

Have you had the experience of reading self-help books on spirituality or going to spiritual workshops, and having an uplifting, perhaps even an ecstatic experience, yet having nothing change in your daily life? That seems to be a common experience and frustration among people who are seeking transformation.

There are many definitions of spirituality, and I do not pretend to encompass all of these definitions here. One of the myths about “spirituality" is that we have to “go somewhere," such as into a trance or into another world so that we can transcend our day-to-day lives. Certainly, it can feel like a relief to escape from the human condition and merge with other-worldly realms. I spent the early stages of my spiritual journey trying to do just that, thinking that I was ‘working’ my path. What I have come to learn* and know from experience is that anything that takes us away from direct contact with our own human realness, from the experience of being absolutely here in this moment can also take us away from our Ultimate nature.

This temptation to avoid the human experience in favor of finding something “out there," reinforces a dualistic perspective. What if we could stay “right here" to connect with the present moment experience of being in this grounded body, having an open heart, and quieting the chattering mind? How would that affect one’s capacity to experience that which is more than the small me (also known as the ‘egoic me’)?

Let me offer some examples.

Have you ever carried around an emotional hurt, such as grief over some important loss in your life, or the accumulated stress of trying to do too much over an extended period of time? You do your best to ‘hold it (whatever “it" is) together,’ then someone looks into your eyes, and quietly gives voice to your experience. Perhaps the person simply says, “I see the you’re in pain." That’s when the tears roll. You might recognize that relief arises, as well. You have been seen, your experience has been recognized, named and brought into the light. You allowed your feelings to be there, without pushing them away. You have a direct experience of your inner environment, and then you notice that some or all of the pain lifts. Something has changed for you. Perhaps you have an experience of being lighter, more spacious.

Another example is one that I experienced recently while on an annual women’s retreat with a group of friends. While some of us see each other more frequently, as a group, this one time per year offers a chance to nurture our longtime bonds, and engage in many activities that we love to share. This year we noticed that something was missing from our time together. With some exploration, we realized that we had not remembered to create a container for each person to be in the moment, and share her current experience, with no one barraging her with questions. When we consciously created the space for each person to be in truth with her current life, we were all deeply touched. We saw each other from a new perspective. We were changed. The depth and realness experienced made a powerful difference in how we felt about the entire week-end.

“Are these really spiritual experiences?" I would affirm that they are. There was contact with the truth of Now. There was an awakening and a deepening of experience. Internal change occurred. Hearts were touched and opened. And through contact with self, perhaps there was a recognition of something larger than self. A sacred moment occurred. It’s one of the great paradoxes of life.

* The author would like to acknowledge the pioneering work of Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson with the Enneagram.