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Funny Quotes To Say

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1. "If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment." ~ Dave Allen



2. "The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education." ~ Albert Einstein

3. "Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere." ~ Mae West

4. "I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." ~ Fred Allen

5. "The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl." ~ Dave Barry

6. "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself." ~ Josh Billings

7. "Things ain't what they used to be and probably never was." ~Will Rogers

8. "Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy." ~ Gary Busey

9. "I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known." ~ Walt Disney

10. "Hippies, hippies... they want to save the world but all they do is smoke pot and play frisbee!" ~ Eric Cartman

11. "If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments." ~ Flip Wilson

12. "If you would like to know the value of money, go and try to borrow some." ~ Benjamin Franklin

13. "I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor." ~ Joan Rivers

14. "A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing." ~ Emo Philips

15. "There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva." ~ Josh Groban

16. "I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack." ~ Demetri Martin

17. "Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts." ~ Ruth Gordon

18. "It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner." ~ Ben Bergor

19. "Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it." ~ Salvador Dali

20. "It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly." ~ Oscar Wilde

21. "You grow up the day you have your first real laugh -- at yourself." ~ Ethel Barrymore

22. "I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." ~ Jim Morrison

23. "I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter." ~ Winston Churchill

24. "Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines." ~ Jason Hutchison

25. "Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect." ~ Benny Hill

Are you smiling yet? Great! Now you're ready for National Smile Week. Know someone else who needs to exercise their face muscles before the big week actually hits? Why not take these twenty-five funny quotes and share them?
Funny Quotes To Say
If there's one thing funny quotes can do well, it's make us smile and laugh. So what better time to whip out some of the funniest quotes ever than during National Smile Week? Don't get left behind during this fun time of year! Get in on the fun and celebration and share these 16 funny quotes with friends and family so they can enjoy National Smile Week with you.

1. "Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." ~ Evan Esar

2. "Reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it." ~ Jane Wagner

3. "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." ~ Author Unknown

4. "When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." ~ George Bernard Shaw

5. "Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious." ~ Brendan Gill

6. "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes." ~ Jack Handey

7. "The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too." ~Samuel Butler

8. "I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did." ~ Jeff Foxworthy

9. "The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on." ~ Robert Bloch

10. "Tact is the art of making guests feel at home when that's really where you wish they were." ~ George E. Bergman

11. "Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." ~ Groucho Marx

12. "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana.... The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are." ~ Matt Lauer

13. "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." ~ Steven Seagal

14. "No matter how love sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along." ~ Joyce Brothers

15. "What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is." ~ Vice President Al Gore

16. "People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid." ~ Soren Aabye Kierkegaard

Laughing yet? I'm sure you've at least cracked a smile or two. Remember, life without smiles and laughter is like a movie without a script or soundtrack -- pretty much pointless. During National Smile Week, share these 16 funny quotes and do your part to make sure humor touches the lives of everyone you meet.
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Noel Jameson has sinced written about articles on various topics from Holiday Stress, Family and self improvement and motivation. For more funny quotes, check out the section of Famous-Quotes-And-Quotations.com, a website that specializes in 'To. Noel Jameson's top article generates over 90500 views. to your Favourites.
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