For most people, a breakup is one of the worst times in their lives (barring death in the family or serious illness), but in all honesty it doesn't need to be. Sitting on the couch in a slump of depression is NOT the way to handle it, and if you give yourself a little slap to wake up you can have a real shot at getting your ex back.



The first thing you need to do to start on the road to getting your ex back is change your mind. You probably do it every day, so that's not the hardest thing in the world to do. Change the way you think about this breakup, and change the way you think about your entire situation! Breaking up with someone you love leaves a scar on your heart that can affect your life in a lot of negative ways, but if you look at the world the right way you can actually make that heartbreak benefit you and the one you love both!

Don't keep looking at things like they "happened to you." This is called passive self-victimization. Okay, so I made that up, but it's a good name for what you're doing to yourself if you see your ex as the "bad guy" or beat yourself up continuously over the things that caused you to lose out on your relationship. Take responsibility for the things you did that resulted badly, but don't let yourself think that there's nothing you can do.

Nothing can fuel a change like something bad that needs to be made good. Destitute peasants have led revolutions to overthrow the most powerful people of their countries for that reason...I'm pretty sure you can find the self-empowerment from this experience to kick yourself into high gear and really get motivated to change your own situation. Use your hurt and anger and convert it into determination to solve your problems.

Take a frown and turn it upside down. Take this separation as a lesson to be learned (or in some cases quite a few lessons). Congratulations, you are officially an expert on what DOESN'T work for keeping a relationship from going south. Use that knowledge. Analyze your relationship, and figure out just what it was that ended up torpedoing the bond between you and your ex.

When you've come up with a list of about 20-50 things you could improve on (I'm sure your ex could find that many), it's time to get busy correcting your problems. I can't help you solve every single problem, only you can do this...all I can say is that you need to dedicate yourself to this, and really work to make things work. If you try to go back to your ex as the same person who got dumped, you're just going to have your heart broken again, and probably mess up any chances you may have had.

Once you've managed to pull your act together, it's time to get back in touch with your ex (assuming you followed the usual pattern of breaking away after the end of the relationship). Don't take things too quickly, or else you'll drive your ex away even further in spite of your hard work. Usually the first contact should consist of a phone call or email seeing how he/she is doing. From there work up gradually, feeling out how things are and making sure not to rush things.

Your ex is most likely still in love with you. Cruel, heartless, "drop you flat" breakups don't happen as much in real life as they do in the movies...it's usually a wedge driven between two people who do still love each other. Just make sure you don't wait too long to pull yourself together...people do move on, and if that's the case all your efforts are going to do is cause more pain. Remember to give your ex all the space he/she needs, but if you just sit back and cry you'll miss your window of opportunity. If you have the right timing, however...you can get your ex back. It just takes some pushing yourself.