As complicated as the process for getting your ex back really is, it can be simplified and divided up into five steps that make it a lot easier to handle. Consider these to be chunks of a much bigger object called "getting your life back on track." I'll try to keep it as simple as I can while still giving you all you need to know about each step.

Step 1: Your first impulse directly after the breakup is usually to plague your ex with what I call the "take me back -attack." This is a BAD IDEA. Your ex will NOT want to talk to you right now, it's still too painful. Give the poor person some space, and frankly you could use it too.

Step 2: During the time off from your ex, be constructive. Really analyze how your relationship went awry. What things were YOU responsible for? How could you fix those things so that they couldn't affect your relationships anymore EVER? These are the things you need to think about, and what's more...you have to actually take action and change so that you never make those mistakes again! I know that's a really heavy thing to simply call "Step 2," but that's how it is.

Step 3: By the time you've made a lot of progress on your mistakes, it'll probably be an okay time to re-establish contact with your ex. Keep in mind that this is still a fragile time, so keep it very light and simple. Just a phone call or an email saying "hey, how have you been?" is sufficient. It opens up an avenue of contact, and expresses that you DO care about how they've been handling the breakup.

Step 4: After building up contact very slowly and nonaggressively, the two of you are probably going to start spending time with each other again. Use this time to do things together that both of you always really enjoyed. It helps to bring back fond memories and rekindle old feelings. Also let your ex see the effects of the changes you've been making, impressing him/her could work to your advantage as well.

Step 5: Chances are your ex just won't be ready for another try, but if it turns out that you two DO get back together, your chief job becomes not to screw it up again. A broken relationship, even one that's been mended, is still fragile. You have to work really hard to not make the same mistakes again, and make sure your partner's being taken care of.

So always remember that sacrifice and compromise is a massive part of any well-running relationship. Both people have needs that must be met, and YOU are concerned with your PARTNER's. Neglecting what your partner needs is the fastest and most efficient way to make that partner into an ex...possibly, for good.