Trust based on our willingness to share our life with another is one essential ingredient in a relationship and our willingness to stop blaming another is also an essential ingredient in a relationship. Our willingness to admit our mistakes and ask for forgiveness is necessary and to be vulnerable and honest with another as well.



When a relationship falls apart, it did not happen suddenly. There have been signs along the path from the beginning and we have to be more honest than we have ever been in assessing our side of the relationship without placing blame on the other. We have to admit our broken promises and accept our responsibility for the failed relationship.

Did your wife or your girlfriend trust you? What did you bring to the relationship, which gave this person a sound reason for trusting you? Recall first time you lied to your wife or girlfriend no matter how small the lie? Accept the fact that this set the tone for the future of the relationship because one lie makes it easier for additional lies to follow.

One the most damaging cracks caused in a relationship comes from a lie. It does not matter if the other person ever knows you lied. You know, and a lie is like a blister on your heal. If you do not fix it, it will get bigger and cause pain. The longer a lie is in a space between two people, the wider the space will become.

A common reason for a broken relationship is blame! We human beings are so insecure we almost instinctively place blame for any failure, no matter how insignificant on other people. We are so afraid someone will find out how imperfect we are that we just blame every perceived failure on others. We say he did not give me room to stop in time; he stopped too quickly; her brake lights were not on and many other excuses.

We refuse to say: I was checking my email or I was dialing a number on my cell phone or I was watching the person in the car behind me or I was not paying attention. We just quickly blame another person, no matter who this is, as if blaming another removes all blame from ourselves. Blaming others means I do not have to accept my inadequacies. Saying: "I am not guilty" is such a consolation to immature people.

In assessing a failed relationship, it is necessary to accept the truth, accept personal failure and then forgive self, which permits us to forgive the other person.