I lost my mother 5 years ago and I never stopped hurting. At the age of 66 years, she passed away from a heart attack and suddenly the world seemed a scary place to live in. Never did I think losing a mother would leave such a hole in my life, it felt like the invisible chord was conclusively cut from within. Losing a mother literally shakens your sense of security and stability.



We had such a tempestuous relationship. In my adulthood I could not remember being hugged by my mother and I never learned to touch her like normal children do. It would be unnatural to show affection and so I never learned to kiss her.

Perhaps it was her own upbringing that made her the tough person that she was. But I should have cut her some slack and tried to understand her emotional limitation. Not that she did not give alot to her children in other areas. She demonstrated strength of character, a huge sense of responsibility, nobility and generosity.

During those hungry years, she worked hard and made sacrifices for her children. I did not see the exhaustion in her eyes, I only remember her impatience when things were a mess at home. She cooked, she washed and she worked.

I did not see the pain in her eyes when I snubbed or fought her, I only cared that I won the battle. I realized now that I won the battle because she let me.

I have been blessed with a girl of my own and perhaps this child was meant to bridge my relationship with my mother. The minute she was born, I mentally prostrated to God in appreciation of my mother. For I had come from her womb and she had carried me for nine months and I understood then that there was no love greater than a mother's love for her child. No matter what. And no matter how much I love my child, my mother loved me MORE.

In the holy book of Koran, as expressed by the messenger of God,Prophet Mohamed (pbuh) that our mothers are the most deserving of our care and attention for ," She is the one who made womb a vessel for you and nourished you from her breast. You have no option to love her..."

I am thankful that at least we had some good 5 years before her passing and towards the end, I think we finally understood each other.

Mother please forgive me and I do love you.

I am grateful that I am able to learn from this and impart to my child the importance of open affection for each other. Even though my mother is not with me on Mother's Day, I celebrate and embrace Mother's Day, in her memory.

Happy Mother's Day To All Mothers!