They look like angels just descended from heaven, but don't get taken in by their innocent looks; they know exactly how to manipulate you to get their way. And, they have mastered the art of throwing a tantrum at the slightest pretext. They know what works for them and will do that at the most appropriate time, which may cause you severe embarrassment or drive you up the wall.



So, the best way to deal with such behavior is to treat them like an older child. If they know how to manipulate you, they aren't that small, really. Here are some suggestions:

A. you need to be clear about what behaviors you will accept or not accept. Don't take on a battle if it really isn't important.

B. Be clear about your instructions - say what you mean, and mean what you say. Say it once and don't repeat yourself.

C. If you have spelt out the consequences of not complying with your instruction, carry it out otherwise the meaning of your words will be lost.

D. Yes, you can use time out with little ones: but instead of sending them to their room, how about using a "manners chair"? Here is how it works:

Buy a small child's chair and put it in a corner in the room. Whenever your child disobeys your clear instructions purposefully, send him/her to sit in the chair. Use the same words every time you send the child to the chair, so that the chair becomes a reformatory of sorts. For instance, you can say, ?You seem to have lost your good manners again. You had better go and sit in the chair until you find them again.?

Once they have found their manners - as evidenced by compliance or better behavior or them telling you so, then they can come off the chair. In the meantime you ignore them. Especially if they are fussing or whining.

It is important to keep this little exercise lighthearted lest it weighs heavy on the child's mind. Try finding their manners for them, for instance. Look for them everywhere and make it into a game. This will prevent any further tantrums and help develop a more positive attitude. It's good for your nerves too.

Once the manners have been found, you can start from what the child was originally supposed to do, or perhaps apologize for the bad behavior.

The ?manners chair? is a positive way of telling your child what is expected of him. More often than not, children disobey instructions when they are not clearly given. Remember, manners are not taught in a day. You have to keep repeating and reinforcing them with awards and punishments. This is a fun way of doing it.

You will need to maintain a fine balance between fun and serious correction of behavior. Don't let it become too much of a game by giving a lot of attention to find their manners. Watch your child intently and act accordingly. If it is getting serious, bring in the fun; if it's becoming funny, drive home the purpose of the manners chair.

This helps you remain calm and have a positive attitude. Let your child know you love him but you will not tolerate bad manners. Also, don't rub it in; tell him you think it was a mistake, and will be corrected. There should be no permanent scars of it.

Now, what about when you are out in public? The key there, as everywhere else, is that you have to mean what you say, say what you mean, and follow up with action.

So, how do you time out in public? Three options: 1. Sit them down in the aisle and do a kind of "manners chair" in which no one is going anywhere else until he has found his manners.

2. You could take him out in the car and stand out, looking away, till he finds his manners. It's best to be absolutely quiet and avoid any discussion on the subject.

3. The last resort is to cancel the outing and go home to the manners chair.

Let me assure you that you will not have to do this many times. If you mean business, they will not disobey you. But, if you are not clear, they will go on trying to see how far they can go. For further information read my book. Here is the link:

As I said, this is all based on the foundational principles in my book, so if you are having difficulty in getting your children (age 2 or up) to do as they are told - or if you find yourself getting into a state yelling and repeating yourself countless times - then it really is time to get the book and put it into practice! Here is the link - you can get started today: