Last weekend I went to one of the local clubs with a friend of mine. After an hour or so he came to me and told me that he REALLY liked a girl that he had seen, so I told him to go and speak to her. What I didn't know was that he has absolutely zero skill in flirting, so after two hours or so, although he was still talking to her, he had gotten nowhere!

I could clearly see that he was very interested in 'moving things along', so when she went off to confer with her friends, I pulled him aside and asked him why he wasn't flirting. He admitted that he had absolutely zero idea of what to do, so it was time for a quick 'Flirting 101' lesson with him. To cut a long story short, he tried all the things I told him ... and got a date!

So why am I telling you all this - well the next day another friend dropped by and we started talking about the previous evening. She admitted that she also hadn't a clue what to do when it comes to flirting and suggested a do a post about it ... so here we are!

Like most things, flirting is about communicating your intentions clearly. However, in this case it is about doing it in a more subtle manner - using body language. Studies have shown that up to 90% of communication takes place through body language. The problem is that most people are body language illiterate when it comes to 'speaking'. Here are a few tips to help you become a little more fluent:

1) Make the first move

It is useless for me to give you advice if you do not take the first step. In China there is a saying that goes: A teacher opens the door, but the student must walk through.

Some time ago I was in a coffee shop with a friend, when a really hunky guy walked in alone.

She whispered "Wow that guy is sooo hot!".

"So go and say hello", I replied.

"Oh no! That would be much to forward of me - you know I am a shy person!".

Well 10 minutes later the guy was out the door and the opportunity was lost.

Take the plunge. Remember that if the person is rude to you, then at least you know that they are not the right person for you! One down, several billion to go hehehe. Here is another Chinese saying: Don't be shy - just try!

2) Posture

How you stand and sit says a lot about your personality. Generally people are attracted to people who are relaxed and comfortable with themselves - but not a slouch! So when meeting someone for the first time, try to act relaxed and confident, even when you don't feel that way! Stand up straight with your shoulders back. If you are sitting, sit up straight with both feet on the ground but remember to keep your shoulders relaxed - don't look all tense!

3) Conversation openers

This is often the place that most people dread! But there are a couple of ways you can begin conversation.

The simplest way is just to say "Hello" and then introduce yourself. Follow it with something general, such as "Big crowd here tonight. I wonder why?". Very often the person will introduce themselves and comment on the 'big crowd'. There you go - conversation started!

If the person is wearing something unique - well that is a great opener! You can start the conversation with something like "Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice your ... Where did you get it / where is it from? etc"

Avoid politics, religion or any other controversial topics. Save them for those in-depth discussions in front of the fireplace in a month or so time.

4) Eye contact

Make a lot of eye contact. Spend a little more time than usual looking onto the other persons eyes. This shows trust and openness. It also shows that you are interested in what the person is saying. Always looking away, short glances at the person etc makes you appear to be 'shifty' and untrustworthy.

5) Smile!

Just as a picture can paint a thousand words, a smile can speak volumes. Guys often say that the first thing they fell in love with about their girlfriend was her smile. Girls often say that the guy has a good sense of humour. Smile when you don't know what to say and smile when you are impressed with your target. Don't try to force it - be natural. Think happy thoughts.

6) Touching

Touching is the most basic human communication tool. Use it wisely! When you feel that things have started off well, you may want to touch the other person's arm lightly. Guys can touch the girls shoulder lightly when opening a door for them, or leading her to a chair. Girls can touch the guys hand or arm when she laughs at something he has said. Remember these are light quick gestures initially. Watch if there is any reaction. That will tell you immediately if the other person is interested or not.

7) Attention

Pay close attention to what the person is saying. This also helps when trying to find something to continue the conversation. By paying attention, you are actually saying "I find you interesting and want to know more about you". Ask questions. It also shows you are interested. Don't talk for ages about yourself, unless the person asks you. Rather listen, listen and listen. This is especially true for guys. Try and make sure that at least 60% of the time is devoted to listening to the other person!

Remember to show that you are listening. Nod your head every so often, Laugh or smile at the appropriate times. Turn a phrase into a question e.g. "Did she really?" or "He bought the old car?"

8) Compliments

To compliment a man, mention something he does well. To compliment a woman, mention something about her knowledge, understanding, expressiveness or appearance. But beware not to overdo it! Many people are way too eager to tell their prospective partner how wonderful they are. Hold back! Many people find too many compliments ... well ... creepy!

9) Humour

Here is another potential minefield, but also an essential part of flirting. Laugh when the person says something amusing. Show that you have a sense of humour by using short humorous stories, one-liners etc. But beware of using sex, race, politics or anything else controversial! And please don't be corny!!

10) Be yourself .. almost!

You knew this had to pop up sooner or later! Remember that you don't want to spend every moment acting with the person in the future. It is MUCH better to be open and honest with a person up front. Don't exaggerate things about yourself. On the other hand, don't say negative things about yourself - especially if you are a negative person. Negatives repel, positives attract. Let the person see all the good things about you, but be truthful.

There is a lot more that I could say, but these are the real basics. If you really want to develop your flirting skills further, there are plenty of great books and websites out there to help you. Many of the skills, such as body language, I will be dealing with on this site in the coming months. So stay tuned!