If you find yourself frequently fighting with your husband over the division of labor in your home, you are not alone. The University of California at Berkeley tracked 100 couples from their first pregnancy through the child's entry into kindergarten and found that the primary source of conflict during the first three years of parenthood involved the division of labor.



One day, I was complaining to a friend about the impossible amount of housework in my home, and she asked, "Does your husband show appreciation for all you do?" I gave this some thought and said, "Yeah, I guess, but I'm not sure it matters."

See, the nature of housework is often so unchallenging and so uninspiring that I could hardly take a compliment as anything more than a joke. I mean, what could he say that would help? "Gosh, babe, that countertop looks so spectacular, you'd think the sparkle fairy cleaned it!" Or maybe he could give me a wink and say, "Gee, honey, I really like the aesthetically pleasing way you stacked those dishes in the dishwasher. Did you experiment with a different loading technique today?" If he was feeling particularly sentimental one evening, he might call me to his side, look tenderly into my eyes and say, "I just wanted you to know that I sense your love for me in the way you fold my underwear."

The way my husband shows appreciation is to give me a little help when he comes home. That simple act conveys the message that he recognizes that I am not the maid and that I, too, work. Now don't get me wrong. The division of labor should be fair. If your spouse is hard at work all day and you are at home, you can't reasonably expect him to come home and do two or three more hours of non-stop housework every evening. But getting a little help at the end of a long day is surely grand.

So how do we get our man to help?

Sex, of course. Next time you are slaving over the kitchen sink, unbutton your blouse a couple of notches and purr:

"Baby, have you heard about the research coming out of the Love Lab of Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington? Seems when men help more around the house, their wives are more likely to get in the mooooood." At this point, you should whip your hair back in a hot, sexy manner (being careful not to hurt your back), rock your hips over to where he's sitting, then whisper in his ear, "I just thought you might really want to know." Don't forget to wink over your shoulder as you walk away towards the bedroom.

Clearly, when our husbands help us around the house, we can interpret that as a sign of love, which, in turn, helps us find them more attractive. But here's the catch. When our husbands help, they typically want to know that their work is appreciated. While we are likely to see their contribution as a natural part of their marital duty, they are more likely to see it as a special favor that they are doing for us. This can be a tough concept for liberated women like us to accept. But you'll need to get past it in a hurry if you are seriously looking for more help. So stop nagging. Instead, on those occasions that you catch your husband cleaning, give him a big hug, a pinch on the rear, or a sultry wink-wink. It will help assure that he cleans again.

Now what should you do if you happen to have a man who never cleans? Walk up to him, give him an incredibly juicy kiss and thank him for doing the dishes. When he confesses that he actually never did the dishes, look surprised. Say, "Oh." And walk away, forgoing the over-shoulder wink. He'll likely get off his duff and work a little harder for that next kiss!

Copyright (c) 2007 Christine Conners