Regardless of your personality type, values and behaviors, the journey to achieving a balanced, happy life will be much easier, and much more successful and harmonious if you learn to understand and communicate effectively with the people you meet on your journey. We're talking about finding common ground among the four major personality types: Supportive, Direct, I (ego centered) and Controlling, focusing this time on the Controlling, or C, personality type



How Controlling People See Themselves: Controlling/solitary people see themselves as careful, cautious, thoughtful, rational, logical and analytical. They see their actions as the result of a logical, analytical weighing of the situation, understanding that if there are loose ends and uncontrolled possibilities their logical analysis could go astray. They see themselves as the people who keep the world working. They are firm believers in the adage, "the devil is in the details." They are perfectionists who leave no detail undone. They are masters of paperwork and organization. Dotting the I's and crossing the T's is their mission in life. Order and rigidity are comforting rather than confining to them.

How Others See Controlling People: The D (Direct) personality likes the C's sense of planning and thinking things through; they share a mutual fascination for ideas, which they feel are more important than relationships. However, the D and C come into conflict over speed. While the D uses a super computer when thinking and analyzing, the C uses an abacus. The D is always willing to use others to get to the goal; they are frustrated by the super control of the C, who is at his best when working alone. Of course the D is so direct that there is conflict caused by the C being so indirect.

The I (ego centered) personality is the opposite of the C. The I cannot understand how a C is happiest when alone. The completely self-focused I's do not understand how anyone can be happy when alone or when thinking about anything other than their own pleasure. They are directly opposite in every way: clothes, career, attitudes, relationships, etc. Like all opposites, they speak different languages, see and hear differently and act differently.

The S (Supportive) person likes the C's indirect and thoughtful approach to life, but does not understand their refusal to join in relationships.

Careers of Controlling Personalities

C's are the people who keep order in the world. They are the paper pushers and are drawn to professions that require logic and order. Accountants, bookkeepers, engineers and bureaucrats are usually C personalities. In a certain sense, they are the mechanics of the world, making sure that the physical structure of society is in good working order.

Speech of Controlling Personalities

The speech of the C personality is controlled and careful. They think through every thought, often several times, before speaking. They are very careful and measured in their speech; they speak slowly, without emotion, in flat tones and with an economy of words. C's make boring public speakers. C's are great believers in "silence is golden."

Clothes, Cars and Houses

The clothes of the controlling/solitary personality mirror their beliefs. Both men and women are extremely conservative in their dress. Always formal, the men favor black suits. While the D personality is also a conservative dresser, it is also of the highest quality, from a name-brand designer. The C's are so practical that designers and brand names are meaningless. Practicality is the measure applied to all aspects of their lives.

Cars

The controlling/solitary person loves black, fuel-efficient cars, with great economy, no frills or extras, with high resale value, though they will keep their car far longer than anyone else. When Henry Ford said, "Give them any color they want so long as it is black," these people were nodding their heads in agreement. .

Houses

Like their cars, C's have practical houses. More than any other group, they tend to live in the same house all their lives. They won't buy a vacation home unless it's a great investment, which means that it is extremely undervalued and there is no actual consideration given to personal use. The decision to buy anything, especially big-ticket items such as cars and houses, can be a long and excruciatingly painful process. Every aspect of such a purchase must be carefully analyzed many times. They can spend months collecting data and all emotion will be suppressed during the process.

Values: Family, Money, Relationships

Controlling/solitary people place a great deal of importance on family. But it's the structure of the family that is often the focus rather than the emotional well-being of its members. There is a high sense of order in the family of the controlling/solitary personality. It may appear from the outside that the family lacks love, but that is not so. What it lacks is outward warmth and emotion. Do not doubt the love C's have for their families.

This is repeated in all other C relationships. They are about order, structure and mutual respect, but lack public or intense emotion. As with everything else, practicality overrides emotion and is the analytical touchstone when the C is considering entering into any relationship.

Money is a very important to C personalities because of the security it represents. They believe that the only thing you do with money is use it to make more money. There is no fun in money. They are always watching their bonds and CD's. They invest only in conservative stocks, often preferred rather than common stock. Their emphasis is on preservation of capital. They move money from bank to bank to gain a fraction of an interest point. They never have enough money. It is not that they are greedy; it is that they are so cautious. They are always worried that there may be some emergency or other contingency they have not fully anticipated and that money may stave off disaster. No matter how brightly the sun is shining, they believe that every day has the potential to be a rainy day.

At-Home Exercise: Controlling/solitary Personalities I Know

Make a list of all the Controlling personalities you know. Write down their behaviors, careers, professions, speech patterns, clothes, cars, houses and their values concerning family, money and relationships. Place each person you meet for the next month into the appropriate personality category. Make it a game to see how quickly you can correctly determine their primary personality. If you do this rigorously for a month you will have made it a habit, an invaluable habit.

In what areas will you be regularly dealing with C personalities in your life? What actions will you take to better understand and to be better understood by the C personalities in your life? What attributes will you borrow from the C personality in order to attain your goals more easily? If you are an C personality, what behaviors will you change to make reaching your goals easier?

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Congratulations - You have just taken another step on the road to "Power Living!"