Thanks to the changing attitudes concerning the relationship between men and women, dating has entered a whole new realm. Factor in some of the newer innovations like internet and speed dating and it becomes clear the possibilities seem almost endless. But times cannot change what many of us feel before, during and after a date. In spite of knowing the other person for quite some time, being comfortable with them in a different environment and getting an enthusiastic yes when you ask them for a date, it still does not stop your nerves from giving you plenty of grief.
A big part of being nervous is of course you want the date to go right. Carefully planning a date and then watching it fall apart before your eyes is a nightmare we all dread. No question if you have ever experienced this, there is a little voice of doubt saying, "Here we go again.One other explanation is lack of self-assurance. You may not have experienced a bad date or this may even be your first date but you still feel shaky. For some reason it always seems like the equivalent of having to do a public speaking engagement in front of a tough audience.
It is not to that extreme but it can feel like you are auditioning and in a way you are. You are selling the product known as you and hope the prospective buyer (your date) like what they see and hear. If not then you have to deal with rejection which is a bitter pill to swallow. All of us want to be wanted. It is easy to understand why anyone who has ever been rejected would be reluctant to try again. No is a simple word that packs a terrific punch that can shake anyone to the core.
So what's the alternative? Not to date anyone and in the long run that's far worst. Never giving a relationship a chance because your nerves just could not stand anything unconstructive can do more damage than experiencing rejection. Does rejection hurt? Yes but it doesn't mean that your world will come to an end. Just keep in mind that if they reject you then it is their loss.
Your date is not on a pedestal. While you definitely want your date to accept you there is no reason to beg for it. It is all about give and take and realizing both of you are on the same level. Be confident in what you have to offer the other person. If they accept, then that is something to build on, if not then wish them well and keep looking for the person that is more in tune to your frequency; they do exist.
Accept the fact that a certain amount of nervousness is going to exist and in some ways can keep you focused on the task at hand. But do everything in your power to make sure it does not take center stage. Relax and expect that you and your date will have a good time. With that mindset you will.
How To Leave Home
Your personal integrity is dependent on you living according to your values. If you commit yourself to a values-driven life, you'll attract people of similar values and people who'll support and encourage you to continue to live accordingly, which will only increase the standards to which you have been living.
Ignore your values and you'll attract other people who ignore their values, which usually results in a swirling cesspool of complaints, excuses and endless victimhood (not a good neighborhood to live in!!)
With a well understood values base you'll more clearly discern your day-to-day priorities. First, it's important to distinguish what's urgent from what is vital.
Let's pause and examine those words, what they really mean, and what buttons they push.
Urgent comes from the same root as the word urge - it's a pushy, sometimes panicky, word. It implies something which propels us automatically onward into action and has time pressure, has to get done fast, or you at least feel like it does.
What's urgent probably is important for the moment, but it also changes from moment to moment and day to day. In this way, it's similar to the barometric reading I talked about earlier in another article.
So just because something is Urgent doesn't necessarily mean it's important.
Conversely, what's vital refers to something central and internally crucial; something you literally can't live without, not just for the moment but over time.
In fact, vital comes from the word for life itself, like vital organs - heart, brain, blood. What's vital may have less pressure and feel calmer than what's urgent, but it's much more crucial for your long-term survival and well-being.
What's vital to you feeds your life force. In this way, it may remind you of your True North - a fixed and eternal need. The urgent and the vital both need to be balanced on a daily basis.
You need to be careful not to let yourself submerge what is consistently vital in what is momentarily urgent.
If you're like most people you're probably bombarded, and confused, throughout the day with what are, or what seem to be, urgent matters. Obviously, however, it's what's vital to you and to your true self which really matters most and must take top priority.
You can see how standing by your values plays a huge role in deciding this. This can be challenging, so having a very simple A-B-C-D priority system can be extremely helpful. Make a list of what you know you want to accomplish today, and then rate them as follows:
A - Those absolute vital items you have-to complete.
B - Those urgent items which could wait until tomorrow.
C - The "want to" impulse items which are even less urgent and important.
D - Those items which you are unsure of or are possibly not necessary at all.
The follow-through is simple: Always do the A items first, followed by the B items and so forth. Transfer today's incomplete list onto tomorrow's plan. Reprioritize the list daily since new items will undoubtedly arise.
Set boundaries with yourself and with others so you can stay focused on your vital A tasks.
Make a values-driven priority plan for yourself, and you'll find you're more productive while also being truer to yourself. Live your life this way and you'll find yourself on the path of your True North.
Ken Donaldson has sinced written about articles on various topics from self improvement and motivation, Stress Effects and self improvement and motivation. Ken Donaldson has been offering counseling, coaching, and educational programs since 1987. His programs are focused on empowering people to have more successful lives, businesses and relationships. Claim your FREE Relationship Success Special Report at. Ken Donaldson's top article generates over 450000 views. to your Favourites.
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