For most folks, the street to personal transformation and self-improvement is a long and winding path filled with difficult barriers. Pharmaceutical companies in particular have capitalized on and created immense fortunes because of the elusive search for the "Magic Pill" that will answer all of your prayers. As it turns out, there is a secret formula for success, and it begins in the subconscious mind.

One of the rules of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is that "there is a positive intention behind all behaviors." And based on that law, when it comes to successfully eliminating negative behaviors, there is an equation that we should always keep in mind. I'll let you in on the secret formula in a minute. But I have a riddle for you to solve first.

Riddle: A minister made his son drink lye, which burned out the child's vocal chords. What was the positive intention behind this behavior?

If you are like most of the clients who have visited my office since 1978, you'll angrily say something like: "There isn't any." But you would be 100% incorrect. To answer this riddle, first you have to disconnect the behavior from the positive objective of the deed.

The minister's son was cursing. And the preacher believes that if his son curses, his soul will be condemned to Hell. So the answer is that the preacher was burning out his child's voice box so that he couldn't curse. By doing so, he was saving his child's soul from being damned to suffer in Hell.

The secret equation for successful change works as follows:

We must value the positive intent behind every behavior. If we have an urge to apply a behavior that we don't like, we can quickly get rid of the urge to use that behavior. What we need to do is to find a different behavior and substitute it in its place. To be successful, the new behavior must be as available and efficient at accomplishing the same secondary gain, but be more consciously tolerable. This is called a REFRAME.

When clients come into my office, the first thing I do is to take a comprehensive case history. In this example, let's pretend that they come to my office and ask me to help them lose weight. Experience tells us that the two main reasons that anyone eats too much are: (1) for relaxation and pleasure; (2) because eating can be a behavior triggered by other behaviors that it has been associated with (this is also known as a conditioned response). For instance, if a person eats while they are working on a computer, they will develop a conditioned response, and thereafter, every time they work on a computer they will get an urge to eat.

However, the above answer only takes into consideration the possible secondary gain received from the behavior of eating. What if they also have another behavior that is concerned in the equation? Case in point: What if being overweight is also a behavior for this person? I can hear your mind churning right now as you think, "Being chubby isn't a behavior, what are you talking about?"

Sorry but you could be completely wrong. Here is one classic textbook example that will clearly illustrate the fact that being chubby can be a behavior. It can be a behavior because it can accomplish positive outcomes.

Example: A woman is in love. Her boyfriend leaves her, and breaks her heart. Her unconscious mind wants to shield her emotionally and stop her from ever having her heart broken again. So it motivates her to get chubby to keep her out of relationships. Because if she isn't in a relationship she will not get her heart broken again.

The point is that everyone is totally different. And sometimes there are hidden elements at work causing compulsive behaviors. These are elements that are different for each person.

Here's another example: A woman comes to my office complaining of an out of control urge to overeat at dinnertime. During my case history, the woman tells me about how she has never been able to satisfy her dad.

During an age regression, we learned that one of her earliest memories was of eating dinner with her family. And dad was insisting in a very loud voice that she clean her plate, even though she was bursting. So she ate the food left on her plate out of fear, and dad commended her for finishing all of the food. It was one of the only times in her life that she could recall her dad telling her that she had made him happy.

Shoot forward to the present. Dad's been gone for many years, but the subconscious program he installed is still at work. She still has a powerful compulsion to finish everything on her plate, even if she is feeling stuffed, because by cleaning the plate, in her subconscious mind she is getting dad's approval, and eliminating her fear!

So if you have a problem making personal changes, you should remember that there is a positive intention causing all behaviors. And the secret formula for successful change is to substitute a different behavior that will realize the same secondary gains, but in a mode that is more consciously acceptable to you, as an individual. The most efficient way to get your unconscious mind to accept the responsibility for making this kind of alteration for you is through an NLP Six-Step Reframe.