For nearly all people, the trail to individual transformation and self-improvement is a long and winding road filled with tricky barriers. Drug companies in particular have capitalized on and created colossal fortunes based on the elusive search for the "Magic Pill" that will answer all of your prayers. As it turns out, there is a secret formula for success, and it begins in the unconscious mind.

One of the laws of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is that "there is a positive intention behind all behaviors." And based on that law, when it comes to getting rid of negative behaviors, there is an equation that we must keep in mind. I'll let you in on the secret equation in a minute. But I have a riddle for you to solve first.

Riddle: A preacher made his child drink lye, which burned out his vocal chords. What was the positive intention behind his behavior?

If you are like 99.9% of the clients who have come into my office since 1978, you'll angrily say something like: "There isn't any." But you would be totally mistaken. To answer this riddle, you have to disconnect the behavior from the positive goal of the behavior.

The minister's child was cursing. And the preacher believes that if his son curses, his soul will be condemned to Hell. So the answer is that the preacher was burning out his son's vocal cords so that he couldn't curse. By doing so, he was saving his son's soul from being destined to Hell.

The secret equation for personal change works as follows:

We must value the positive intention that motivates every behavior. If we have an impulse to employ a behavior that we do not like, we can quickly get rid of the impulse to use that behavior. All we need to do is to find another behavior to substitute in its place. To be successful, the new conduct must be as available and effective at accomplishing the same outcome, but be more consciously acceptable to you. This is called a REFRAME.

When clients come into my practice, one of the first things that I do is to take a methodical case history. In this example, let's imagine that they come in and ask me to help them eliminate their weight problem. Conventional wisdom tells us that the two main reasons that people eat too much food are: (1) to reduce stress; (2) because eating can be a conditioned response. For example, if a person eats while they are watching TV, they will develop a conditioned response, and thereafter, every time they sit down to watch TV, they'll get cravings and an urge to eat.

However, the above answer only takes into consideration the possible positive intention behind the eating behavior. What if they also have another behavior that is concerned in the equation? For example: What if being tubby is also a behavior for this person? I can hear your mind spinning right now as you think, "Being heavy isn't a behavior, what are you talking about?"

Sorry but you could be entirely incorrect. Here is one simple classic textbook example that will clearly demonstrate the fact that being heavy can be a behavior. It can be a behavior because it can accomplish positive outcomes.

Example: A woman falls deeply in love. Her boyfriend breaks up with her, and breaks her heart. Her subconscious wants to protect her emotionally and keep her from having her heart broken again. So it motivates her to get heavy to keep her out of relationships. By doing that she can't get her heart broken again.

The point is that everyone is totally different. And sometimes there are hidden elements at work that cause uncontrollable behaviors. These are elements that are different for each person.

Here's another case: A woman comes to my practice complaining of an unmanageable urge to overeat at mealtime. During my case history, the woman explains how she was never able to please her father.

We did an age regression, and one of her early memories was of eating a meal with her family. And her father was insisting in an authoritive voice that she finish all of the food on her plate, even though she was bursting at the seams. So she cleaned her plate because of fear, and her dad praised her for eating all of the food. It was one of the only times in her life that she could recall her father telling her that she had made him happy.

Shoot forward to the present. Her dad has been gone for years, but the subconscious program he installed is still operational. She still has an urge to clean her plate, even if she is feeling stuffed to the gills, because by cleaning the plate, in her unconscious mind she is getting her dad's approval, and eliminating her own fear!

So if you find it difficult to make personal changes, you should remember that there is a positive intention behind all behaviors. And the formula for success is to alternate a different behavior that will bring about the same secondary gains, but in a manner that is more consciously suitable to you, as an individual. The most effective way to get your subconscious to assume the responsibility for making this kind of change for you is through an NLP 6-Step Reframe.