For the majority of adults, their thoughts and therefore actions are in one way or another related to what they perceive others will think of them. We do or do not do something because of what someone else will think of us. It was pointed it out to me that this factor is the single greatest reason why most people stay stuck and do not move forward towards their dreams and ultimate well being. From a personal stand point, this life lesson has been a blessing and yet one that I need to continue to work through. I can now admit, I was, and still am on occasion addicted to having others think well of me.



This particular attachment has cost me in many ways:

- financially

- compromised needs in a career situation,

- less satisfaction in relationships

- not taking care of myself for many years

- not saying what needs to be said.

Assuming that you abide by the law and don't intentionally hurt someone or something else, what others think of you is none of your business and totally irrelevant. This is not easy to accept. If you think I am exaggerating, how many of you believe consciously, or maybe even subconsciously, your self worth is tied to your spouse, your job, or to your possessions?

One of my mentors summed it up in the following way, when she put a mirror to me so that I could understand some of my erroneous thinking and way of being. She taught me that Everyone, that means you and me included, are perfect, blessed, full of grace and wonderful right NOW, just as we are. There is NO NEED for acceptance, judgment or criticism from someone else. What actually keeps the fear of being judged by others in place is the self-imposed RIGHT to judge and criticize others.

The thought and said ideas of us being afraid of being judged is just a "front" (for the ego) for the real issue. The real issue is we MUST GIVE UP the self anointed right to JUDGE OTHERS. This is much more difficult to do. I know this as I am working through this and it pops up in unexpected places. People want to remain in this self-crowned position of holding judge, jury and executioner of other people and in so doing, call the same "stuff" back to them. We can speed the letting go of this unhealthy thinking once It comes into our consciousness. We give up one and we get the freedom we all deserve.

There are many aspects to a human being and most often we think of these as needs: love, security, self esteem, recognition, having new experiences and creative expression. Yet in reality these are not needs, these are human haves. We do not have to go searching for these things as we have them inside all of us. These aspects of the human being already exist and we just need to have them awakened and emerge more fully.

When it comes to love, you must love yourself first and only then can you actually love others unconditionally. When you love yourself, you know who you are, you are solid in what you want and can give to others. If you feel you have to get love from others than you will act in a way as to not jeopardize that relationship. You will not feel free to say what needs to be said openly, and honestly, in a kind compassionate way. You end up not challenging spouses, kids, and co-workers to become all they can be. What you end up with are manipulative relationships and much resentment arises.

Read Part 3 for What could be holding you back...