The Importance of Self-esteem in Children



Building You Child's Self-esteem:

It's often been said that children learn what they live. So if you're looking for a place to start helping your child build positive self-esteem and self value, then you should show them your positive sense of self and strong self-esteem. Be positive when you speak about yourself and highlight your strengths. This will teach your child that it's okay to be proud of their talents, skills and abilities.

Your child also benefits greatly from honest and positive praise. Find something about them to praise each day. You could even give your child a task you know they can complete and then praise them for a job well done after they're finished. Show your child that positive acts merit positive praise.

When your child's feeling sad, angry or depressed, communicate openly, honestly and patiently with them. Listen to them without judging or criticizing. They may not fully understand why they feel the way they do, so the opportunity to communicate with you about it may be what's needed to help them sort through a difficult situation. Suggest positive behaviours and options as solutions, and make sure to leave that door of communication open so they know the next time they feel badly, they can come to you for help and know that you won't judge or punish them for how they're feeling.

Teach your child the importance of setting goals and developing a plan to meet that goal and complete that task. Small projects are the best to start off with in the beginning. Ensure that it's an appropriate task for your child, and not too complex. Don't only give praise at the end of the project, but praise their accomplishments during the project as well.

Most importantly, tell your child "I love you" each and every day - many times throughout the day, in fact. When they've behaved badly, remind yourself that it's not them you don't like, only their behaviour. Tuck short, sweet notes in their lunchboxes or coat pockets, or even send them a card in the mail. Soon, they'll learn to say "I love you" just as easily and honestly in return.

Constructing Your Child's Healthy Sense of self-esteem:

Your child's self-esteem is their mental foundation. A self-assured child is confident, secure, happy, well-adjusted and successful. They can solve problems that come their way, and it thrives under a loving parent's nurturing care.

What are some good ways to built self-esteem in your child?

Most importantly, accept your child for who they are, and help them do the same. Teach your child that nobody is perfect, and that everyone makes mistakes. Show them how to learn and grow from their mistakes, and let them know that you also make mistakes. Children with high self-esteem are able to take lessons from mistakes and apply them down the road. A child with low self-esteem become frustrated and resort to self-depreciating behaviour, such as calling themselves 'stupid' and vowing to 'never try that again.'

Help your child discover their abilities and talents, and encourage outlets for them to build on and improve them. Praise a child not only for improvements in abilities and skills, but also for the traits they naturally possess.

Encourage your child to make positive choices. Open an honest dialog with your child and discuss the possibilities with them. Children who learn skills for making positive choices when they are younger are well-prepared for the tougher choices they have to make when they are older.

Ensure that you spend lots of quality time with your child, at least once a week. Whether you are shooting baskets or going out to grab a hamburger, take time to talk and keep in touch. If you find it difficult to squeeze in quality time during a hectic week, take the time to talk about things during the drive to school or while they are helping you put the groceries away.

Positive Praise for your Child's Pride:

Praising a child correctly is important to the development of positive behaviour. It's a great way to encourage constructive future behaviour. When you give praise you are giving your child a feeling of positive feedback, which increases their sense of confidence, self-esteem and abilities. When you praise your child, you are pointing out the way they've acted, an action they've taken, or simply who they are. When your child looks good, tell him so. When your child does anything that pleases you, let him know. You should also praise a child's effort to do well, even if it doesn't come out so good in the end. You should find something each day about your child to praise.

Be on the lookout constantly for behaviours or actions deserving of praise, but don't be over the top about it. Be sincere and honest in your praise. Wait for unexpected or previously unnoticed good behaviour and praise your child for it. And when you see such action or behaviour, praise immediately so the child will know exactly what behaviour or action was deemed praiseworthy. It's also very important to look your child square in the eye when you praise him, and reinforce the positive behaviour, action or trait being praised with a gesture such as a warm smile, a hug, scruff of the hair, or caress his face while you tell him.

Be exact, and state precisely what action, behaviour or trait you find praiseworthy. And most importantly, never directly follow praise with criticism or negative comments. Let your child know what they did right and reward them for it before you let them know what they did wrong and punish for misbehaving or a misdeed.

So be sure to admire and congratulate your child and celebrate the good person they are growing into by praising their positive actions, behaviours and traits daily. You'll be building a strong sense of self in your child and you'll grow closer as a result.

Encourage your Child to Feel Important:

It's imperative for a child's healthy development to feel important and worthy. Healthy self-esteem is a child's armour against the challenges of the world. Kids who feel good about themselves seem to have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures. They tend to smile more readily and enjoy life. These kids are realistic and generally optimistic. It's also been shown that children who feel important are well-rounded, respectful, and excel in academics, extracurricular activities and hobbies and develop healthy relationships with their peers.

In contrast, for children who do not feel important or cherished have low self-esteem, and challenges can become sources of major anxiety and frustration. Children who think poorly of themselves have a hard time finding solving problems, and may become passive, withdrawn, or depressed.

You are the biggest influence in your child feeling important, valued and worthy. Remember to praise your child for a job well done, and also for putting for a valiant effort. Praise the good traits they naturally possess, and help them find ways to learn from their mistakes and failures. Be honest and sincere in your praise. Help them realize that you also suffer from self doubt and can make mistakes from time to time, but that you know that you are important, valued and loved. When you nurture your own self-esteem and importance, your child will learn to do the same, so be sure to lead by example and steer clear of self-depreciating yourself or engaging in activities that lower your self-worth or importance.

Your child may have inaccurate or irrational beliefs about themselves, their abilities or their traits. Accentuate the positive about your child, and encourage your child to set realistic expectations and standards for themselves. Help them identify traits or skills they'd like to improve and help them come up with a game plan for accomplishing that goal. Encourage your child to become involved in cooperative activities that foster a sense of teamwork and accomplishment.

Through these and other positive, affirming activities, your child is sure to develop a strong sense of self-importance, value and worth which will carry into their adult years.

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