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What Is Marital Intimacy ?

Intimacy is the feeling of closeness within your relationship with your spouse --spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, sexually, and many other ways. Intimacy is the journey that should last throughout your marriage. Marriage and family researchers Schaefer and Olson (1981) tell us that attaining intimacy is "a process that occurs over time and is never completed or fully accomplished" (p. 50). As you both grow and develop, each of you changes. If you neglect intimacy in your marriage, you will grow apart. The time to work on intimacy is always in the present~ TODAY!

The Many Benefits of Having Intimacy in Marriage

Many Studies have been taken and show that marriage offers many benefits. According to Olson and Olson (2000), "Married people tend to be healthier, live longer, have more wealth and economic assets, and have more satisfying sexual relationships than single or cohabiting individuals. In addition, children generally do better emotionally and academically when they are raised in two-parent families " (p. 3).

Both physical and emotional benefits were found. The physical benefits are supported by many of the researches. Several recent studies have found heart benefits for men. At Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, researchers assessing the marital intimacy of 10,000 married couples asked the husbands: "Does your wife show you her love?" The husbands who answered yes reported having much less chest pain within the next five years than the men who answered no (Ornish, 1998) . In another study of 119 men and 40 women, Yale scientists found that husbands who reported feeling loved and supported by their wives had less artery-blockage than those who did not.

Mental health is also better for both men and women with healthy intimacy. Researchers Firestone and Catlett (1999) say, "In our opinion, love is the one force that is capable of easing [depression]" (p. 13).

Forms of Intimacy

The meaning of Intimacy has a very different meaning for men then for women. Young, and Grover (2004) note that "all human beings have the basic need to be intimate and close with another person" (p 13) . Women are often said to have the desire for emotional intimacy while men only have a desire for sexual intimacy. However, intimacy can take many forms:

Sexual intimacy is one of the most important component to healthy marital intimacy. Healthy sexual intimacy includes sexual frequency that satisfies both partners , sexual activities both partners enjoy, and being able to be completely open when it comes to talking about sex. Olson and Olson (2000) say, "A major strength for happily married couples is the quality of the sexual relationship" (p. 126). In there study they found that the most common sexual concern is when you and your partner have different levels of interest in sex. Happier couples seem to have the same expectation and have less worries when it comes to their sex lives than the unhappy couples. More than half of all married couples have trouble discussing sexual issues.

Emotional intimacy is the closeness created through sharing feelings. Because women are taught from an early age to recognize and express their emotions, women, in general, understand emotions better than men. Society tends to not encourage men when feeling or showing emotion. Even if you were a man who didn't learn how to be emotionally intimate while you were growing up you can learn to be emotionally intimate with your partner as an adult. If they do, their marriages will be stronger and healthier. Emotional intimacy can occur once people know what they are feeling, relate to the feelings to each other, and express concern of their feelings to each other

Mental or intellectual intimacy Takes both the man and the woman understanding about all the important issues in their marriage. A very important part of reaching Intellectual intimacy is to set goals. Set goals to improve your intimacy, to save money, or to have a weekly date nights.

Recreational intimacy is enjoying activities together. Things as simple as taking a walk,watching a movie, or preparing a meal together can be a great way to enhance your recreational intimacy.

Financial intimacy comes with discussing your finances. If you have separate incomes and separate banking accounts, you probably lacking financial intimacy in your relationship (Schaefer & Olson, 1981; Stanley, Trathen, McCain, & Bryan, 1998; Wheat, 1980).

If your Relationships has healthy intimacy . You have several things in common:

Open communication is the ability to discuss anything with your spouse with sincere expression of thoughts and feelings. But more importantly it is the ability to be a good listener. If you have poor communication you will be reluctant to tell your partner about your day or being unwilling to listen when your partner is trying to explaining how he or she feels.

Acceptance is unconditional approval in a relationship. No one is perfect, but acceptance means not holding weaknesses against one other. If you find yourself frequently pointing out your partner's faults, work on focusing on the qualities your partner has, the ones that made you fall in love with them in the first place.

Mutual trust builds security for both spouses. You can show this by never having a thought of causes your partner harm in any way. Though you might unintentionally cause harm, you both know that you wouldn't hurt one another on purpose.

Tenderness includes the expressions of caring. Through touch you can express your love to your partner. This affectionate contact 'is the most essential way to build emotion of love

Caring is genuine concern for your partner's well-being. If you do things you know hurt your spouse, you cannot have healthy intimacy. You can become more caring by learning to think of your partner's feelings before your own.

Apologies for mistakes are very important. Recognizing mistakes, taking responsibility for them, showing remorse, and making a commitment to change are all essential to mending and repairing the relationship after a mistake. For couples who have a lot of hurts in their relationship it will put a wall up between them, offering a sincere and humble apology is the first step in rebuilding the trust.

Forgiveness is letting go of the anger. The desire for revenge and the constant thinking about times your partner has hurt you is not beneficial to you or your partner. Give your partner permission to have weaknesses, make mistakes, and change. Trying to See the goodness and strengths of your partner along with the weaknesses can open up your heart for good will to build toward your partner. Forgiveness is an important early step toward rebuilding a fractured relationship.

References

Firestone, R. W., & Catlett, J. (1999). Fear of intimacy . Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.

Olson, D. H., & Olson, A. K. (2000). Empowering couples: Building on your strengths . Minneapolis: Life Innovations Inc.

Ornish, D. (1998). Love and survival: The scientific basis for the healing power of intimacy . New York: HarperCollins.

Schaefer, M. T., & Olson, D. H. (1981). Assessing intimacy: The PAIR inventory. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 7, 47-60.

Stahmann, R. F., Young, W. R., & Grover, J. G. (2004). Becoming one: Intimacy in marriage. American Fork, UT: Covenant Communications.