Divorce claims a high toll and not only on the people directly involved. Immediate family, extended family and friends are all touched. It's touched me personally. One day my sister phoned me. She had caught her husband in the act of bringing another woman into their home. She and her husband had been married 17 years, she had known him since childhood. Suddenly she was convinced that divorce was the only answer.



This announcement was followed by endless lawyer visits and court appearances. My sister lost at least forty pounds because she couldn't keep her food down. Her eyes were constantly puffy and any obstacle became too difficult for her to overcome by herself. She became very needy and reliant upon everyone.

She had no savings so had to rely on so she turned to our parents for assistance, help they could ill afford to give. They helped her with legal expenses and also with money for her basic living necessities. She asked me to help with the details of the divorce settlement, something I felt was a no-win situation for me, I could see that no matter what the outcome I would be blamed for any shortcomings.

While I was certain that everything was on a downhill path, I suddenly realized that my sister had started talking to her husband again. She was phoning him every day, in fact. She was beginning to take better care of herself and had become much easier to be around again. I was opposed to her going back to her husband. After all he had been unfaithful to her. Yet I wisely stepped back and let her take charge of her own life again, realizing that perhaps only her husband was the one who could make her happy again.

Of course, the reconciliation process wasn't expected to be an easy one. My sister and her husband agreed to see a marriage counselor who told them that reconciliation was indeed possible but would require significant effort on their part and real dedication to making their marriage work again. They decided that they would do whatever was necessary to make things right once again.

I guess I don't need to tell you that my sister and her husband remain happily married to this day. I must admit that she has more forgiveness in her heart than I thought possible. This bump in their marriage happened five years ago and they have worked hard to regain the trust that was lost. They make sure that they have time set aside every week to be together. Every year they hit a new and exciting destination for vacation. Every day, they make sure they talk to each other before they go to sleep.

The cost of divorce is high, emotionally and financially. It is hard on the children. Besides broken hearts, children often suffer from a loss of self-esteem when their parents separate. You really want to pay attention to how your marriage is going and do this throughout your marriage. Do things together on a regular basis, whether dining out at a nice restaurant or walking a few blocks every evening and maybe enjoying a hot dog. Don't forget, when you took the marriage vows they were sacred and intended to last for a life time. Keeping that in mind may help in keeping your marriage on track. Divorce is not the only answer, in fact it is probably the worst answer in most cases.