A healthy and constructive attitude toward love can go a long way toward bringing you a successful marriage. An attitude like this is difficult for Americans, however, mainly because of what they have been taught since they were children and the influence of romantic movies. Americans tend to base marriage on a combination of factors, including the appeal and adventure of romance, a response to someone who reminds them of a person they once loved, a desire to escape an unhappy circumstance, to console themselves for a failure or disappointment, social pressures, sexual desire, and some small point of attraction.



Love based on factors like these is real and intense, and several of the factors have a place in a good marriage as well. The danger is that these factors are really superficial. None of them is strong enough to provide the basis for a successful marriage. Even all of them put together do not do so. And yet, these factors are real enough to convince people that love is enough to create a successful marital relationship, and they end up selecting inappropriate mates.

Parents and relatives are always interested in whom you will choose to marry, and it is right that they introduce you to potential mates and even promote them to you, within limits. Since they will do these things anyway, you should be prepared, but you should not let family opinions influence you to such a degree that you will enter a marriage even if you are not ready. You should be very careful of a girlfriend who say that you have led her on and that, because of your behavior, you now have a duty to marry her.

While it is not a good idea to get married just because all of your friends are tying the knot, it is true that timing is important. Some people get married because they believe they will be left out, and other people are so particular about potential mates that they do not marry someone who is right for them because they are waiting for the perfect person. Remember, there is no perfect person. Do not wait so long that you miss your chance for happiness.

The kind of love that adds richness and value to a marriage must be much deeper than the superficial factors listed above. This kind of love must be based on common interests, values, and goals. One of the strongest and more critical of the common goals is a desire to have children. The deep love required for a successful marriage is something that two partners build together during their lives. Those who have found a deep basis for love can expect the thrill and romance of their connection to increase over time. The deepest joy of marriage results from a relationship that is constantly developing and maturing. A love that lasts is a love that is an expression of life experiences and meanings for both partners.