When you coach women on attracting relationship as I do, you get a bird's eye view of what can go wrong when a woman looks for the potential love-of-her-life. Fortunately, I usually know what to do about those things. I'm going to tell you, though you may not like hearing what I have to say. So read, take a breath, be honest with yourself, and consider making some changes. Here are the usual problems:



1. You're desperate and it shows.

You'd think there's not much more to say about that, but there's the problem: most women don't know they look desperate. And yes, you can look desperate without actually being desperate. You may just be on Desperation Highway, heading toward Desperation, but not there yet. Clues? You're passing Worried Road, Concerned Boulevard, Agitated Avenue, and Nervous Circle.

If you can't tell where you're at, ask a good, honest friend—or several. They'll set you straight.

So how do you avoid feeling or looking desperate? Be sure to enjoy your life as it is now, guy or no guy. But don't fill it so full that you can't make room for the right one when he shows up. Truly enjoy your friends and your freedom. Relationship is great but it does give you someone to sort-of “answer to,” no matter how independent you are. Right now you don't have those constraints, so live it up.

2. You keep mentioning your age and the lack of possibilities.

One of the things I do in my mind-coaching practice in Chicago is hypnosis.

And I have to tell you that hammering yourself—and others—about your age and how it's too late, etc.—is self hypnosis at its best. I mean best as in most powerful.

Of course the effect of all this negative self hypnosis is the worst. Because it's exactly the opposite of what you want.

Want to hypnotize yourself? Learn how. And learn how to make the suggestions positive, life-affirming, supportive and pointing toward your goal (getting the right guy, right?) and not away from it.

3. You specifically reject the guys who would make great husbands.

Guys who'd make good husbands are often not glamorous, dashing, arrogant, or lying scums. They rarely look like Hollywood's leading men. Nor do they act like those men; this includes having a new galpal every month.

Looks don't last. Wounds to the heart unfortunately do.

4. You're looking for the same guy you looked for at age 16.

You were cute then but stupid about love. Which was okay at the time because you weren't looking for Mr. Forever or even Mr. For-A-Very-Long-Time. Now you are. Update your thoughts, opinions, goals and hunting spots.

You're not wearing the same wardrobe you wore in the 80's, are you?

5. You ignore the best places to meet guys because they're not glamorous.

Church/synagogue/temple/mosque; places where people with your interests congregate; homes of friends of friends of friends; work (complicated but often worthwhile—make sure he's unattached, bonus if you don't work together directly).

6. You ignore the best guys because they're not glamorous.

Tell the truth. You're attracted to the glamour boys even though you know they're heart breakers. Yes, Jolie seems to be holding onto Pitt for now (check the fan rags tomorrow because it may have changed) , but they share an exclusive culture. For every degree of heat your man exudes, there are fifty women vying for his attention.

Sometimes the guys without fab muscles, bountiful hair, bedroom eyes or honeyed words to exploit are the best catches. They mean what they say, they stick around, they use their brains, and they don't hog the mirror.

If you can find a guy who really lights you up without lighting up the entire room, you likely have a keeper. Hint: if you decide to redo his hair, wardrobe, and cologne, do it after the wedding. And don't say I didn't warn ya. ©2007 by Wendy Lapidus-Saltz. All rights reserved.