With each passing day, they give us a chance to look back and see a puzzle. The picture on the puzzle is me. Who am I? Where am I going? What have I become? Am I pleased with where I am? If not, how do I fix it?



Each day, I add a new piece to the puzzle of life. A chuckle emerges inside to witness the work in progress. I can see every path, I've taken makes up me today. The experiences I've had and have choosen to endure give me the courage to be truly happy. I discovered that true happiness comes from within. Nothing in this world can give it to me but myself. It starts with a choice that we all make.

The day my mother left us. I entered a world of fear and became frozen in that moment, viewing my whole world through it. Fear never left my until I faced the day my mother died. It took knowledge, understanding and expections of myself to melt away that frozen moment. Getting rid of my anger, hatred for my life, which translates into depression and anxiety, I found personal freedom that feels incredible.

After years of being a businesswoman, I decided to take that I learned from being adandoned at the age of four and living through it to become a very happy individual and write a novels. My new career started out to be a story for my children and theirs.

Life seems to test us all. I wanted them to know that they'll be okay when the storms of life come knocking on thier doors. It's possible to get through your fears. We all have them. It's a rule that each person gets a certain amount of fear so they can learn their way out. We get into trouble when we fight or run from it.

I decided to apply what I learned about how to be happy to a ficional, fantasy story for young adults. It became a story about a family in another galaxy separated by tragedy of war. They are the only ones who can solve the mysteries that are in the galaxy. They're surrounded in espionage, mystery and a battle between good and evil that keeps you going wanting to know what is going to happen next. As they search for answers to their past. The characters have to deal and handle their emotions and disappointment of the moment, like us. The family and war are interwined and they are the only ones to unravel the secrets and stop it. They need to cover come their fears and persaonal problems to do it.

The way they solve their personal problems are what I wanted my children to know. The secret to happiness is inside of all of us. Just like Dorothy, from the wizard of OZ. She always had the ability to take herself home. We all have ruby slippers. We just need to learn how important the real things are in life. Sad to say, we usually don't until they're taken away from us. Touch moments won't destroy you, they bring you out.

Understanding the laws that govern out lives, we can easily build ourselves into a emotioanlly strong, healthy person. It's a choice we are all face with and it those choices that make or break us. Most people quit and medicate themselves. When the painkiller wears off, they're still faced with the problem but now they're bigger.

I pause when I hear people mention, “I hate my childhood.” When you ask them why? They complain about their disappointments. Things didn't quite go the way they wanted. Inside, I chuckle and say to myself, “If you only knew what a horrible childhood or life was really like. You would hug the stuffing's out of yours and you should. It's one of the greatest secrets.

Before I learned the secret of happiness, it was always impossible for me to look back on my life. When I did, I had to face the verbal abuse that I encountered daily. The lonely moments of isolation and knowing I was dependent on myself for survival. Growing up, I wasn't allowed to be with my friends. I had to work and missed a lot of the things kids take for grant.

Today, I deeply love my youth. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. So when I visit my past and I find my little self frozen in fear and loneness. I take her in my arms and hold her. Then whisper, “I love you. You're going to be okay in the future. It's okay you don't have parents. It's okay you never see your brother and sister very often, if ever. You'll be okay, no never forget it.

So where did this all begin? My story begins on a cold, wintry night. I was told it happened on January 17th. It took place in a very tiny hospital in a very small town high in the rocky mountains. The town was called Coalville. I was the fourth child in the family of five children.

We lived on a dairy farm about five miles from Park City, Utah. A few chickens, milking cows and a horse that no one was allowed to ride. It belonged to my grandfather who had it there for those who worked for him. As you've guessed, we lived with my father's parents on his dairy farm.

My father didn't work with his father but owned and ran a feed and grain business close to the farm. Mother stayed home and took care of us, which pleased me. I loved to be around her. There was always a feeling of security and warmth from mother. I felt it from her mother too. I always like if those two women were in my life. I would be okay. They were my security blanket.

Things were pretty good, I thought. I loved living where we did. There was a lot of open fields and places to explore. My favorite pass time was to climb a hill near the barnyard and watch the valley below. My other love was to walk along a stream that ran through our property. I would follow a leaf down the stream until the stream left our property.

It started out to be a paper boat but I learned quickly they didn't last long in water. So I went to leaves. I enjoyed being by myself, exploring the hills and streams around the house. Enjoying the solitude, I didn't invite my sister and brother. Little did I know how much I would be by myself in the future. I should've taken a hold of the opportunity and invited them.

Life was good and I looked forward to going to school and learn. I've always had a passion for learning and it shows in the future. For some reason, my started to change at the age of three. My parents started to fight constantly. At times, I wanted to put my heads over my ears and scream. It was miserable to listen to them constantly going at it.

It was only a couple of years ago, I was told why they fought. My father's only employee had embezzied seventy or hundred thousand dollars from him. This was the fifties so you can see it was a lot of money for them. Until he found out and sen the man to jail, they fought over the lack of money. I assumed my father blamed my mother. Eventually, he figured it out and sent the man to jail. It left my father angry and he took it out on mother and us.

But I never saw things get better. My father ended up in the hospital and had his stomach removed. Weeks later when he returned, mother got pregnant. She became very tired and my oldest sister became engaged. After her wedding, my oldest brother made the decision to move to Canada for two years. There were huge gaps between the two oldest and the three of us. As you can see, they were ready to leave the nest. It would leave us a lone with mom and dad.

Mother didn't get better. She was six months pregnant when they brought her to the hospital in Salt Lake City for tests. It was in the middle of November, I think. She never came back. (Please let me know about your experinces, write me.)