You want to find out more about Asperger's Syndrome, which is more and more common these days. You are learning about what doctors are calling the autism spectrum, which ranges from odd-normal on the one hand to seriously impaired, especially socially, on the other. You desperately want to help your child move toward normalcy on the spectrum. Do not give up! It is quite possible that he can. You need to provide him with situations that will give him self-confidence. If you don't, the world will deal him the opposite.



Here's one key tip: if at all possible, teach your child music. People on the autism spectrum often have exceptional musical talent, even folks who have trouble speaking and learning. Perfect pitch is not particularly rare for them. This will give you child a skill to excel in, or at least to enjoy, all his life. The problem may be to find a flexible teacher who is not intimidated by your unusual student. Look for a professional music therapist, or someone with experience dealing with special needs folks. Requiring practicing every day can be built into your system of rewards for your child, a system you need to figure out. This reward system will provide an incentive for doing chores and homework. The music lessons have worked well for my brother as well as my children.

Children with Aspergers need to learn social skills--they don't come naturally. It is your job as a parent to find teachable moments and use them well. These moments may not start arriving until middle school, when the child is becoming more aware of those around him. He may figure out that he is isolated, and may not like it. When this happens, it's your turn to pull him aside and tell him how to replay a particular social situation, this time with a better outcome.

This might include:

* Social skills groups with other Aspies taught by a professional. (Speech therapists are stepping into this need; so are social workers specializing in coaching kids with learning disabilities.)

* Working with him yourself. Set aside 15 minutes a day during Homework Time to play conversation games.

* Putting him in a special-needs school that will give him social coaching. Your child needs special help. Placement in a regular mainstream school situation may expose him to bullying. Instead, he needs to be taught how to interact with others.

Speaking of bullying, this is one of the most damaging situations for your child's feelings of self worth.

Your child if mainstreamed may be getting a lot more negative interactions than positive ones. To find out, you may want to volunteer at your child's school. If your child has an aide shadowing him, you can talk to the aide and ask him or her to protect your child from negative interactions with peers. Unfortunately, some negative teasing and bullying are tolerated in our culture. But they will be especially bad for your child, who can't defend himself.

* You may want to look into homeschooling. For advice, you can search the Internet.

* You may be able to find a school that controls most peer interactions. This might be a private special-needs school.

To summarize, be sure to do all you can to protect your child's feelings of self-worth.