Have you heard the story about the Mexican, his dog and the cactus? It goes like this, there was a British tourist driving through the Mexican desert when he saw a Mexican sitting in the shade of a cactus with his dog. The dog was howling piteously. Being a caring sort of person the tourist stopped and asked the Mexican "what's the matter with your dog?" "He is sitting on a cactus," replied the Mexican. "Why doesn't he move?" asked the tourist. " He will" replied the Mexican " it just doesn't hurt enough yet."



If this brings a smile to your lips maybe its a smile of recognition. Many women put up with and underestimate the pain of not having a life partner. Or being in a relationship that never lives up to its true potential. The trouble with this response is that they stay in pain and don't resolve the situation.

The good news is that there is an answer and its just two short steps away. First make a commitment to change. I still remember the evening I did this although its decades ago. My thought process went something like this-Eileen, you are not a stupid woman you are successful at work and have good friendships with people of both sexes. How come you are such a loser in relationships? I looked into my future and didn't like what a saw. In my mid-twenties with a divorce and a broken engagement behind me it looked bleak. I saw the years stretching ahead with one failed relationship after another. So what was I doing wrong.

Nothing, I was pretty much going about my relationships in the way everyone else I knew did. That was the problem. Our society has success models for many things but none for relationships. I knew that I had to find or create my own success model otherwise I was stuck with my current problems. At that moment I made a commitment to myself and my future. It changed my entire life.

I decided that I would have a happy, joyous, successful relationship whatever it took. I was willing to invest time, energy, money to move myself away from the pain of my failed relationships to where I wanted to be.At that point I was just one step from success.

Are you ready yet to move from pain towards pleasure or isn't it hurting enough? This little exercise will help you to find out. Choose a time when you are alone and will be undisturbed for at least twenty minutes. Sit in a comfortable chair and close your eyes. Picture your future, what will your life be like in five years from now if you don't change what you are currently doing? Now ask yourself this question supposing I make a commitment to change and decide to find a way to have a wonderful relationship with my ideal partner what will my life be like in five years time? Now picture your future ten years ahead, you still haven't changed the way you handle relationships? Where are you? Who is around you? How is your time spent? What's happening in your life? Now picture the future ten years on you've made the commitment. You've invested the time; energy and money in creating a future relationship that's all you want it to be. How does it feel to be a happy woman living in her ideal relationship knowing that you are accepted, cared for and loved?

Meeting the wonderful man with whom I now share my life was like coming home after a long abscence. I often say that the day we met was one of the best days of my life. However it could never have happened if I hadn't made my total commitment to finding or creating a success model for my relationships.

What's more it wasn't just my relationship that changed almost every area of my life has benefited. I've enjoyed improved health, career success at a level previously unknown to name just two benefits. No longer held back by the millstone of disappointing relationships my life took off in new and promising directions.

My second and final step to having a great relationship was finding a mentor. The ideal mentor in any situation is someone who has been where you are and achieved what you are aiming at. My mentor consisted of the many psychology books I read and courses I undertook to understand the human mind and the subjects of love and relationships. I wasn't fortunate enough to have a living mentor available.

So there you have it the two magic steps that took me and can take you from relationship disaster to relationship success. First I made a firm commitment to invest in myself and to do whatever it took to enjoy and benefit from a successful relationship. Then I found my mentor. Believing that I was worth a relationship that would bring joy into my life every day allowed me to take these steps. You are worth a joyous relationship too.