It is not unusual to experience ambivalence when making a decision about divorce. How will the children react? What will happen to the marital home? Will it affect me after retirement? Most of these apprehensions are regarding the future financial situation and alterations in long time goals because of the divorce. The final decision may be an amalgamation of intuition, logic and gut feeling.

Consequences of Divorce

Children are one of the biggest areas of concern for the couples going for a divorce. Family is snatched away from the child and he has to be satisfied with the affection of a single parent.

Divorce brings exorbitant expenses along with itself. The lawyers charge you a fortune; the court procedures incurs huge expenses, the family assets are divided, if you are not in a job you have to start earning to support yourself and your family after the divorce, it may also happen that you have to rent out a house. Apart from these discernible consequences, there are other imperceptible consequences also, such as major emotional turmoil, feeling of insecurity, loss of a family etc.

Making a Decision

But the intriguing question that arises at this point is whether you are ready to bear the repercussions that a divorce might bring along with itself? Are you strong enough to handle the huge disruptions the divorce triggers in your lifestyle? Is divorce worth all the plight and hassles that you may have to go through afterwards?

If you are in a dilemma whether to divorce or not, there are a few things that will help you decide. Start by making a list of reasons why you should stay married and another list as to why should you opt for a divorce. The reasons should cover what you like and don't like in your spouse, consequences of divorce on children, on your relationship, on the extended family, your financial status etc. Keep a log of your feelings about your marriage, spouse and yourself for a month or two, and then weigh the number of good days with the number of bad days. You might then be able to get an overall picture whether you are better with or without your spouse. Also, if possible try to assess how your spouse feels about you.

What Can Be Done To Avoid Divorce

There is no readymade formula to decide whether you should proceed with a divorce or not. Some genuine soul-searching might enable you to realize what went wrong

?Discuss with your partner how both of you feel about each other. Discuss non-controversial topics first and then proceed towards sensitive issues.

?If your spouse is one who does not express his/her feelings freely, develop an environment that will open them up. Unless both of you communicate openly, problems cannot be solved.

?Try to discuss issues without accusing and demeaning each other. Listing each others faults will only add to problems and not solve them.

?In case anger erupts, call off the discussion and postpone it for the next day. Don't retaliate, but do let your partner know what makes you angry.

?Give a patient ear and listen to what your partner has to say about the problems. Listening is as important as speaking out.

?Take time off together. Spend a weekend in each others company, schedule half an hour discussion sessions each day to know each other's feelings and emotions.

?Marriage counselling can prove to be a marriage saver but it is not a guarantee.

What Is Required To Save a Marriage?

Commitment from both the partners is an essential requirement for saving a marriage. Though Counsellors are not a guarantee for saving marriages, they can help in opening up communication between the couple which is essential to clarify misunderstandings and solve problems.

However, there are various circumstances where divorce is the only option left. If you are suffering physical and emotional abuse by your spouse, if your spouse is addicted to drugs/alcohol, if your spouse is mentally sick, then separation might be the only solution left. Professional help from a therapist might help in such a situation.

The Last Word

Hence, your decision to divorce depends on your circumstances. Weigh the path that would be best suited for you. However, if you find that a divorce is inevitable, you could go in for it. But make an effort to resort to an uncontested divorce, as this will make the divorce pro