It seems that he has misplaced, lost or surrendered, to his ex, the bulk of his fishing gear.



Now, this alone is a monumental problem in itself, not the lost or misplaced part, but the trying to ask your ex for something that means absolutely nothing to her but would certainly open up a humongus can of nightcrawlers should you attempt to ask for it back...

"Hi sweet."

"Oh, it's YOU."

"How ya been?"

"Cut the chit chat wonder boy, what is it you want?"

"Well,(gulp) it seems-snookums- that when you tossed me out into the street and took legal ownership of all my bank accounts and left me with little or nothing to subsist on in this world, I, silly me, forgot to grab my fishing pole on the way out."

"You want your fishing pole back?"

"Ahh yeah."

"Sure, you can have it back, it's out in the garage."

"REALLY!"

"Yes, I have it all boxed up in that nice little shoebox, labeled @#$&*@#!!+, it's all yours."

"Oh."---"Never mind."

"By the way, my lawyer will be contacting you about increasing monthly child support, cars don't drive themselves without gas you know. Have a NICE day...."

So, as you can see, not willing to risk the ramifications, wonder bread boy was suddenly thrust into the market of having to go find some new fishing gear.

Here in lies the real problem.

WBB sidled on down to our local giant cowbird-which happens to be the Blackbird Sporting Goods store--and walked in looking to replace his spin fishing outfits. Finding replacements for the kids was easy, he just grabbed Scooby and Spiderman combo outfits and knew that the kids would settle who was qualified to be Scooby and who was qualified to be Spiderman.

Finding the right combo for himself was another story.

So, there he stood in the middle of the aisle, staring with that "deer in the headlight look", at dozens of rods and reels that he had not a clue as to which to choose from. Shimano's, Okuma's, Mitchell's, Abu Garcia's, Shakespeare's, Penn's, gear ratio's, ultralight's,micro's,Ugly Stik's,Daiwa's, two piece, three piece, sensitive tip, ultimate stiffness, Maxim's,Quantum's....WHEW!!

"I just want to catch some flippin' crappies."

Wonder Bread Boy, turned and headed for the checkstand. The boys got there rods, and WBB decided he would bait hooks and watch them fish.

All this over stimulation and multitude of choices had him reaching back far into his neanderthal tendencies, and he almost went home and tied some kite string onto a flagpole. Thinking that $70 or $80 was too much to invest, especially in "crappie futures", he figured he would fashion up a nice "fishing stick" to pursue fish and avoid the trauma of having to decide which combo was right for him.

It has gotten that way.

Fishing, like golf or skiing or just about any sport has gotten way to specialized and seems to require multiple quivers of gear for different situations. You can't use bass gear for trout.You have to have "lake fishing" set ups, "river fishing" set ups, trolling rods, casting rods.If you want want to have more fun with 9 inch fish, you have to go "light". Level winds for salmon. Fly fishing gear for "fly only" waters.You get the picture.

It's maddening as well as intimidating.

I myself, own a small satellite operation of Cabela's aka "my playroom", that will take my daughter at least two years to liquidate when I pass on to the big fishing pond in the sky. At last count I had fifteen various rods, and way too many reels and extra spools and such. Why I even found a reel I can't even remember purchasing....STILL IN THE BOX!!!!!

My gosh, I must be like a sleepwalker who wanders into the fishing aisles and starts gathering up items, only to wake up and not have a clue as to 'how did that sturgeon fishing rod got in my garage'!!

I've never even been sturgeon fishing.

We won't even get into the six or seven tackle "tubs"--not boxes--of lures, flies,trolling rigs, vests, waders, nets, flippers,attractants, baits,and yes dehydrated nightcrawlers, that have found their way into my fishing arsenal in over 40 years of fishing.

Lord knows, that if the nightcrawler should ever go extinct, there is plenty of DNA in my fishing tub to bring 'em back into existence!!

All that being said, I am now going to try and simplify your life by giving you three simple rules to go by when choosing your fishing gear:

1) Pick your fish species of choice.

Don't try to outfit yourself with every type of fishing gear. If trout and bass are the predominant type of fishing you do, then get a good combo outfit that is adequate for both. The same goes for salmon and steelhead, if these are the fish of choice, outfit yourself with a good middle of the road combination that will allow you to fish for both. Quite honestly, if you only occasionally go fishing for a certain type of fish--hire a guide and use his gear, or if you are a do it yourself guy, borrow and share with buddies who may have multiple outfits.(Like me!!)

Don't get me wrong. Different types of fishing really can be enhanced and improved by having slightly more specialized gear and if you decide that you have plenty of expendable income... go for it. But if you don't, it is just best to decide what kind of fish you really enjoy fishing for.

2) Stay to the middle.

The old rule of thumb, that you don't want to buy the least expensive and you don't want to buy the most expensive, certainly applies to fishing gear. If you buy your fishing gear at the "dollar store" or the Salvation Army, you are probably going to get what you pay for. On the other hand, don't be sucked in by the glossy ads and goofy graphs and bar charts that show why an extra $120 dollars spent on the same $60 dollar product will have you smiling and holding mass quantitys of big fish. I have seen plenty of good fishermen using good average run of the mill gear, catching as many, or outcatching dudes with high priced fancy outfits.

I have sat in sporting good stores and had salesmen tell me how "sweet" this rod or that reel is and asked me to wiggle it around, then when I picked up a cheaper rod or reel and not felt any difference they looked at me like I was from Mars.

Most brand name gear today is made pretty well, so you can just pick ---the pretty one!!

3)Don't scrimp on the fishing line.

To me, in just about any kind of fishing, this is a big key. Get the right line, and get good quality. Whether it is having the right type of fly line, or the right test of monofilament, you will catch more fish if you pay attention to the selection of your lines. Too heavy, and fish will sit there staring at your line like WBB stares at aisle 32 at the Blackbird.

Use floating line when you should sink. Or sinking line when you should float. And you will have a nice day casting and/or walking on the river or lake.

I once used a fishing line called "Vanish",that was supposed to be the greatest thing since....well....Wonder Bread, and the only thing that "vanished" was the fish I was catching. Every fish I hooked broke me off. I switched lines and started to land fish after that. So that line has now "vanished" from my tackle collection and is now occupying some space at a landfill.

...And vanishing from my tackle collection is obviously no small feat!

So, get the right line and you can almost tie it on WBB's flagpole and catch fish. (with hook and bait of course...)

There you have it, Wonder Bread Boy, you are now armed with enough information to head into your local sporting goods store and confidently make a selection, so you can fish with your kids.

Or, you can wait about 30 years and pick up a nice collection of stuff at my daughter's garage sale!