A few days ago I sent out an email with the title, “Are you just plain scared of rejection?” What was interesting to me was some of the responses I got back. Today I'm going to share some of those with you, and comment on why these men have no chance with any woman—until they change their self image.
If you have a self image that says you're unattractive to women, you will be. Why would any woman want to be with a man who considers himself unattractive? The answer is, they don't. Attraction begins with self image—the good news is, self image is not hard to change.
Here are the emails…
Not to be mean, but I'm a skeptic. Personally I'm a insecure guy who probably won't be getting any na na for a while. I clam up before the girl gets within 20 ft. and you say you can have women approach you. This has to be a scam.
Nicotine
JA: You're not a skeptic; you're a whiner with a bunch of excuses for not taking action. A skeptic (of which I am one) believes nothing he hears, he makes everything prove itself. To do that he takes action, and is willing to be burned occasionally in order to get the right knowledge to improve his life.
Look it, I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but with your self image you have zero chance of attracting women. You say you're “insecure” (that I believe), and you immediately label anything that might help you get results as a “scam” a convenient (and common) excuse for not taking action.
What if instead you were to adopt the more useful self image of “I'm learning the SKILL of attraction, and I'm strong enough to invest in information that might help me get the results I want, even if it means getting burned occasionally?” You might be surprised to find that you don't clam up and women find you more attractive just because of that mindset.
One other thing—lose the name “nicotine.” If there ever was a negative reinforcement to your self image, it's calling yourself by a name like that. Find a better one (sorry, “The King” is already taken).
some of us are always afraid of being shut down. In my area, it is difficult to find a woman that is interested in you, and vice versa. I just quit trying. If you know a woman who would be interested in me .. . please, share my phone number
JA: So what would happen if you were “shut down?” The reason it's difficult for you to find a woman who's interested in you is because you carry the self image that women aren't interested in you—you broadcast doubt and fear, the two biggest attraction killers.
Look, you can put me in any environment in the world and I'll attract women. Why? Because I have the self image that I am attractive to all women—I broadcast confidence and attraction, and women respond in kind. I don't know of any woman who would be interested in you because you have nothing that interests them. But, when you change your self image to one like mine, you'll find too many women who are interested in you.
Oh, and by the way, “trying” never got anyone anywhere—now that you've quit “trying” use the time to start “doing”—you'll be amazed at the results, especially when you bring a more useful self image into the equation.
So, I'm sure you guys want to know, how do you change your self image? The answer is simple: by taking tiny actions leading towards your ultimate goal, and building on those as you get small successes.
I can't teach a man in a day to get women to approach him—but I can dang sure teach him to get women to smile back at him, the first step in attraction. Once he does that and is comfortable with it, I can teach him to have a conversation, and so on and so forth. As the small successes build, so does your self image.
Self Esteem And Self Image
When people talk about improving self-esteem, they usually mean self-confidence. While the two are related, they are not exactly the same. Self-esteem is all about self-worth and self-value. It's how we see ourselves in relation to other people and our environment. It has nothing to do with vanity or conceit.
The lack of self-esteem is a major problem and has a leveling quality. Rich and poor alike are afflicted by it and people decide between happiness and unhappiness because of it. If self-esteem is an area in your life where you need improvement, here are some tips you can use to build your self-value and improve the way you see yourself:
1. Know what you want. You can't assess where you are in your journey if you have no idea what you want to have in life. You also will not be able to judge whether you've been doing a good job or just so-so.
Set goals that are clear and doable. Make sure that these are things you want to do and attain, and not things your parents, family, friends and colleagues insist you 'should' have. Is it just the latest trends that dictate your aspirations? If so, you will never catch up and be satisfied. You can only claim your goals as your own if you recognize them as things you truly, genuinely want in your life.
2. Assess your good points. List the things that you do well and the things that make you a good person. It could be anything intelligence, a good sense of humor, good analytical ability, compassion, creativity, ability to spot trends, people skills, things that you have and recognize as an integral part of your personality and talents. No matter how low you feel in your life, these are qualities that you never lose.
3. Recognize your liabilities. Improving your self-esteem does not mean ignoring the things that make you human. To be human is to make mistakes, just do not let them keep you stuck. List your negative traits and label them as areas in your life you need to work on, areas for improvement. Treating them as downright liabilities will make them seem an unalterable feature of your life and create a feeling that you are helpless against them.
4. Build slowly but surely. Take little steps to improve your self-esteem. Big successes build upon small successes. You can't decide to change your outlook drastically today and expect extreme results in the morning. By taking it slowly and performing well during each turn, you gradually build a solid base of achievements that will boost your self-esteem more effectively.
5. Make it a point to improve yourself daily. Whatever you do, say or think should be geared towards improving your self-esteem. Improve the way you dress, walk or talk. Take further studies to hone your knowledge and skills, learn a new language, take up cooking classes, start a new hobby. Being able to immerse yourself in worthwhile activity creates a feeling of capability and opens new opportunities for growth.
6. Keep away from people who shoot you down with snide remarks and unfair criticisms. Associate with positive people. There will always be grouches and negativists who will think nothing about giving careless opinions that make other people think unworthy of praise or recognition. If you find people who make it their life mission to belittle other people's achievements, keep your distance. They will not contribute anything good to your life.
7. Be yourself. You'll never improve your self-esteem if you try to live life and find acceptance as a projected mask of yourself. Pretending to be someone you're not will fail to affirm your uniqueness and potential and will only make you sadder about your circumstance. You can't make everyone love you, so don't try.
8. Make other people feel good about themselves. People tend to like you more if you're honest and pleasant. Polish your listening skills and body language to make people feel comfortable. Respond to them visibly and with interest.
You might think that this is the opposite of what you want to do to improve your self-esteem but by actually focusing your attention on other people, you create an aura of likeability that they gravitate towards, making them choose you over others. And when you are singled out as a good person who's terrific to be with, your self-esteem grows.
9. You have the right to make mistakes. Nobody's perfect, regardless of what you've heard or what popular media wants you to believe. By accepting that you will make mistakes and that it's all right, you learn to recognize that it is a necessary process you need to go through in order for you to improve yourself.
10. Recognize that you are a unique individual with a different set of talents and that you have something to contribute. You may not be a big celebrity like Justin Timberlake, as rich as Bill Gates or as powerful as Oprah Winfrey, but your individuality makes you as important as they are, with as much right to exist and make something of yourself.
Both John A. & Bill Urell are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Compare Anti Wrinkle Creams Researching the products before making a purchase allows you to make a well-informed choice using all the resources that are readily available to you. A well educated consumer is a happy consumer