Imagine yourself walking down a crowded street, say someplace in beautiful San Francisco, and maneuvering through oncoming tides of passersby. Some people move aside to let you pass, others you walk around. Occasionally there are times when you almost bump into someone, then pause for a moment in front of each other before simultaneously turning and edging sideways while muttering apologies (especially evident when it happens in a narrow doorway or a hall). How do you know that one person will move out of your way, while another one will keep walking right into you?
By rapidly and unconsciously evaluating the status of passersby relative to your own. All human interactions are governed by the continual adjustment of status. Status is the currency of human communication. Status is a relative measure - to gain higher status I can increase mine or decrease everyone else's. Most people are constantly and unconsciously engaged in status wars and are highly skilled at it. Such wars can be fought for either a higher status (natural leaders) or for a lower status (victims).
Why is it useful to be aware of your status and to have the flexibility to change it? Most people are purely reactive when adjusting their status. They have a certain preferred status and do their best to maintain it. If two people disagree on who is higher and who is lower, cold war of status ensures. Communication that on the surface seems to be about ideas is often about the status (try proving to your boss that she is wrong, even when that's true). Much of communication is a war of status, especially between strangers.
Status by itself is just a measure of your level of power and rapport relative to other people. High or low status isn't bad or good, right or wrong. It is a useful tool in all sorts of social situations. A good teacher might continually increase and decrease her status to lead and pace a class of unruly teenagers. A strong leader might similarly use his status to push and give in as circumstances require. A healer might adjust her status to match the client's if she knows that status equality helps people to open up.
The need to dominate, to always prove higher status is very straining on the organism since every interpersonal communication turns into a fight. The inability to raise status is equally stressful because it makes it difficult to get your ideas across, to be heard.
Status has nothing to do with the quality of your ideas - we have all met very dominant people with poor ideas, as well as brilliant thinkers who seemed meek and timid. Status is a learned social behavior that we mastered as children to cope with the complexity of social interactions. Status is very easy to change and very easy to learn how to change. It will feel strange at first, perhaps a bit uncomfortable to adopt a different status, but with brief practice anyone can become fluent in status change.
In the next article I will look at a few powerful ways to immediately and effectively change your status. In the meantime, try this game: Next time you are people watching, try to tell who is higher status by paying attention to the space each person seems to command. Since status is basically territorial, space is the key to solving this puzzle.
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May You Be Happy!
- Arman Darini, Ph.D.
Social Status And Health
The beach belongs to no one and everyone. That means, anybody can surf, but not in a way that makes it impossible for others to surf. We've all heard of surf Nazis who push anyone away who isn't part of their gang. Violence is their common method when threats aren't enough. Definitely, not cool.
But there are more peaceful rules, like who surfs first.
The surfer closest to the breaking wave has priority, he or she surfs first. Others wait. That doesn't mean the others have to wait forever. Sometimes they wait until the next wave. Other times, they wait only until that surfer has popped up and caught the wave. Then they in turn can pop-up and catch it, provided they don't interfere with the first surfer. If two surfers can't decide who is on the inside, the surfer who pops up first has priority.
Some waves break both left and right. But surfers can surf across a wave as well as on the front of it. That opens the possibility of collisions. Not fun. That creates the next big rule of surfing etiquette: communicate.
Make eye contact, signal which way you plan to go. Avoid crossing over another surfer's path. No complicated hand moves need to be devised. A simple nod in the direction you plan to head will be recognized by anyone. A shout is ok, but not everyone will speak your language. Do both if there's any doubt.
But to communicate, you have to be alert. These days, on most days, it's rare to surf alone. In fact, it's not a good idea. You should always have a surf buddy to watch your back. But even when (as is usually the case) the other surfers are strangers, you have to watch out for them. You're watching out for rocks, high reefs and jellyfish. This is just one more thing to look out for. Good surfing takes awareness of every thing at every moment. Not easy.
But surfing etiquette goes beyond what happens in the water. Don't kick sand on someone's board when they're waxing. Be aware of how you are carrying your board so you don't injure someone. Simple, common sense rules like that. Easy. Fair. Everyone enjoys the beach and the waves that way.
Eventually, everyone gets to surf about the same amount. There are plenty of waves and, in most places, not too many surfers. The beach is large and the ocean is larger. No need to be rude. No need to push your way to the front of the line. Nature provides plenty of wind and waves, enough to satisfy anyone who is reasonable and fair.
Be cool and you'll be rewarded. Even if others are rude, you'll feel better inside your own skin. That's the ultimate state for any surfer.
Another important matter affecting your safety is the needs to protect your skin. Wear sun protection swim wear each time you are on the beach. After all being safer when having is rewarding later in life with a healthy sin.
Both Arman Darini, Ph.d. & J Edmond Souaid are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Arman Darini, Ph.d. has sinced written about articles on various topics from Decision Making, Emotional Intelligence. Arman Darini, Ph.D. is the director of Holographic University, the author of weekly Tips for Creating an Extraordinary and Meaningful Life, and a certified international Trainer. As the lea. Arman Darini, Ph.d.'s top article generates over 246000 views. to your Favourites.
J Edmond Souaid has sinced written about articles on various topics from Skin Care, Wrinkles and Dry Skin. J Edmond have been working in the sun protection clothing industry for several years. The main aim is to raise awareness of the sun' UV radiation and it's effect on human skin. Click here for more info about. J Edmond Souaid's top article generates over 2900 views. to your Favourites.
