Although most parents would agree that their children are more importantthan their job, most usually get more on-the-job training than they do as aparent. As a Mother of seven once said, "The love is instinctual but theskills are not."





A NATIONAL MOVEMENT

A 1990 study by fifteen of the nation's largest youth organizations foundthat the United Stateshas done poorly in solving the problems affecting today's youth. There wasbroad agreement that the number-one solution to these problems was . . . betterparents. As a result of their findings, the final report calls for a massiveincrease in parent education.

President Bush then released a statement of six national goals foreducation. The number-one goal states that "by the year 2000, all childrenin Americawill start school ready to learn." To attain this goal "parents willhave access to the training and support they need."

President Bush's comments represent a movement in thinking which places morevalue on the importance of a parent's role in preparing children for school andlife. It is encouraging to see that there is a growing awareness that familiesneed support and education . . . in order to strengthen parents' skills andprevent future problems.



SOCIETY HAS CHANGED

In the past, when parents had questions about child-rearing they wouldusually have an extended family member close by to ask advice. While someparents may have family close by, many admit that their elders' advice onchild-rearing often differs from current parenting information or theirpreferred style. This is a result of changes in our society over the past fewdecades:

Children are no longer "needed" to work side by side with theirparents, like farmers' children of the past. This helped children feel they hadsomething important to contribute and taught them basic responsibility andlife-management skills. Today, children search for ways to belong in the familyand with peers, sometimes in unhealthy ways.

Superior/inferior family relationships are no longer being modeled bymothers and fathers. Women have equal rights and children feel equallyunwilling to accept an inferior, submissive role in life. This change ishealthy, in that all people do have a right to be treated with respect anddignity. It leaves many parents, however, with few role models or practicalskills for achieving this goal.

Early on, children are being taught that they have rights: to their bodies,their feelings, and to be treated by others with dignity as a worthwhile humanbeing.

As a result, power-and-control parenting techniques are no longer effective,because parents "talk down" to "inferior" children. Thisstyle, therefore, inherently violates a child's right to be treated withrespect, children recognize this, rebel and lose respect for the controllingparent. As our society became more affluent, many parents became morepermissive and over-indulgent. Their children often grew up thinking the worldowed them a living and they used their energy trying to get out ofresponsibilities.

Children are facing issues previous generations never had to face. It isimportant for parents to listen and communicate in open, respectful ways, sotheir children will feel safe in discussing their problems and feelings.

Although some of these societal changes have brought about positive results,they have left parents with few clear guidelines for how to raise this newgeneration of children into responsible adults.



EFFECTIVE, QUALITY PARENT EDUCATION

What it Isn't . . .

Parent education does not focus on what parents are doing wrong oradvocate never disciplining children, as many parents assume. It provides newoptions to parents and encourages them to respect their own rights, as well astheir children's.

Attending a parenting class is not a reflection of being a "bad"parent . . . it is an indication of a parent's commitment to his/her childrenand role as a parent. The classes are not just for parents who are havingsevere problems with their children's behavior. Many parents who attend classeswant to feel more confident of their parenting and are looking for ways toprevent future problems and help their family get along cooperatively.

What it Is . . .

The most effective parenting classes are small, personal groups whichprovide opportunities for interaction among parents, practice of concepts andtechniques learned, and individualized problem solving. Like most new skills,parents can benefit from ongoing reinforcement of what they have learned.Follow-up parent discussion groups, where parents can meet with others who havetaken the class, provide an opportunity to continue applying the concepts tonew situations.



MAKING THE COMMITMENT

Although professionals often recommend parenting classes, there are severalissues which seem to prevent parents from joining these groups: finding aclass, making the time commitment, and cost. All three really boil down to theunderlying issue of priorities. If a parent looks at how much time and moneyhe/she spends on business seminars, golf lessons, weekly fast food, orvacations, it makes sense to place a priority on attending a parenting class,which usually costs less than all of these! Parenting classes are an investmentin your personal growth, your child's future, and in future generations.Consider doing your part to make this world a better place for everyone'schildren. Read a parenting book that gives trustworthy, accurate advice orcheck out your community's resources for local parenting classes.