When you come to realize that you are codependent, the feeling of shame might arise within you. You may feel that there is something wrong with you, that you are not good enough, that you have made large errors in judgment. Remember, you never have to apologize for who you are. You may have the need to feel the acceptance of others to feel secure within yourself.



Shame can keep you in a place where you are not your best. It may make you feel guilty, confused, indifferent or it may cause the rage within you to resurface. But you can work your way through your feelings. There is a good sense to shame. It is a way of propelling wrongdoing from happening. It is where it interferes with living your life to the fullest that it becomes a problem.

You may feel shame because you now know that you tried to control a person and that is wrong. You may feel shame because you realize that you went about things the wrong way. You may feel shame because you know you disappointed a loved one or because you disappointed yourself.

Being vulnerable to shame is the same as being vulnerable to control. You may have even used shame as a way of controlling another in your codependent ways. You may have tried to make the other person feel guilt for what they were doing, for the way they were living and the choices they made.

Shame will expand if not controlled. It can stop you in your tracks and stop you from acting. It can keep you from moving forward in your life. You must start with forgiving yourself. We are all human. We all make mistakes. It is learning from those mistakes that separate you.

Recovery for you starts with surrendering and letting go. Once you let go of the feelings that you did or are wrong, you are free to experience life and live. Once you realize that you are not responsible for another, you are free to make the right choices for you and you alone. You must believe that you truly deserve the best life has to offer, and you must believe that the power to create the best is within you. When you focus on the negative, what you get in return is negative. When you focus on positive, positive shows up in your life.

Start by changing the beliefs you have regarding you. Stop thinking that you don’t deserve the best. You do. Once you start loving yourself unconditionally, you start to believe you do deserve the best. Acknowledge the shame you may feel, accept it, then let it go. If you deny its existence, it will not grow.

If you believe in yourself, it will breed success within your life. Start by giving yourself new internal dialogue. It’s okay to make mistakes. Remember, that’s how we grow. Stop struggling against life and start to trust it and flow with it. You have a choice in this life. You are not helpless. You can choose to defy the internal critics you hear and choose to honor and validate yourself. Choose to let go of living up to others standards and choose to start living up to your own. Don’t let shame keep you in your tracks. It is a learning experience and you can come out of it with a new light on life.

© 2007 Lori Klauser