love life, relationships, jaci rae, advice for men, advice for women, online dating



The First Down - Approaching a Man or Woman

By Jaci Rae

You see a man or a woman who strikes your fancy but you aren't sure how to approach him / her or get to the "first down." This can be a very intimidating and awkward moment, but you can succeed if you are sincere and confident (but not cocky!).

Step 1. Occasionally glance over at him / her and try to catch his / her eye. Tilt your head a bit to the side when you look at him / her. This signals interest to him / her on a subconscious level.

Step 2. Once you have actually made eye-to-eye contact, hold the gaze for a moment, tip your head again slightly to one side and smile with sincerity. But, don't give him / her a "salesman" smile-- the kind that says you are trying to sell something to him / her.

Step 3. If he / she smiles back, you may be receiving the cue to go over to him / her. At this point, keep the flirting going for about five minutes to help you ascertain if he / she is alone or with a girlfriend / boyfriend.

Step 4. If he / she continue to smile each time your eyes meet, get up and walk over to him / her. He / she has signaled at this point that he /she is interested in talking to you, so feel confident that he / she won't refuse to at least speak with you at this point.

Step 5. When you arrive at his / her table or seat, introduce yourself and ask for his / her name.

Step 6. Politely ask if you may sit with him / her and chat for awhile.

Step 7. Start a conversation, asking questions about his / her day and other non-personal information. If you find it hard to think of things to say, get into the habit of reading the newspaper and brushing up on current events before you go out. Also, think about what you discuss with your closest and dearest friend when you are talking about life in general. Apply the same method when speaking with him / her as you would with your closest friend (avoiding cars and sex as the topic of choice). It will bring more ease to your conversation.

If you still feel uncomfortable, practice before you go out next time in front of the mirror, acting as if the reflection were a man or a woman with whom you wanted to speak. Write a script and go over it several times to learn how to speak. But, DO NOT use this script when you are talking to him / her or you will sound as if you are acting or trying to sell him / her something. This is just a practice tool to make you feel better equipped to speak in public to a stranger. All it takes is a little practice and a bit of courage and you will succeed. All the luck to you in your meeting triumphs!