A very common scenario that I hear from coaching clients is this: they desperately want to feel better about themselves in social situations, but the fact that they DON'T feel good in social situations right now causes them to judge themselves very harshly.
This produces a "catch 22" situation, because by not feeling good about yourself right now -- just as you are -- you unknowingly make it much more difficult to feel good about yourself when you're with other people. By withholding self acceptance, it is easy to fall into a vicious circle of nervousness and self criticism, which can make social interaction even more difficult.
But the way to stop this "Loop" once and for all is to decide today -- right now -- to accept, love and appreciate yourself exactly as you are. This means that if you should feel uncomfortable in a social situation, you must understand that it is okay, and refuse to judge yourself harshly because of it.
When I explain this "acceptance first" strategy to clients dealing with social anxiety, some of them will ask, "but if I simply accept my social anxiety, won't that just make it worse?" The simple answer is "no." The thing that makes social anxiety problems worse is non-acceptance. In my experience, people do not get over problems like these by being disgusted with themselves because they have the problem to begin with.
Improving social anxiety requires self acceptance. Too often we look at these problems backwards. For example, a client once told me, "Fine, I'll start accepting myself as soon as I don't have social anxiety." The problem with this thinking is, without accepting yourself FIRST, you will never get to the point where you are comfortable in social situations.
So to begin improving social anxiety you have to do something which I call, "putting the cart ahead of the horse." This means you must decide to accept yourself, your strengths, your weaknesses -- everything about you, and practice self acceptance on a daily basis.
Don't make the mistake of thinking you'll feel better about yourself once the social anxiety goes away. That's backwards thinking. Feel better about yourself now, and you will see an almost immediate improvement in your social anxiety.
Now here's the tricky part for some people: they may have built up very strong habits of judging themselves unfairly, and withholding self acceptance. I won't kid you: if you have been thinking this way for many years, you will have certainly built up very strong habits around these self-destructive thoughts, and they are unlikely to simply go away overnight.
But here's the good news; you can begin accepting yourself today. Maybe not 100%, but a lot more than you have in the past. Making an effort is important -- every little bit counts! So if you try to begin accepting yourself as you are right now and find it difficult, don't give up. Practice going through the motions of self-acceptance if you have to -- even if you don't really "feel" that way deep down.
If you do this on a daily basis it will certainly have an effect on your self-esteem, and improve your social anxiety. Consistency is the key. I recommend that clients take a little "timeout" twice daily to practice self acceptance. And remember, it's easy to accept our strengths and successes; the real test of acceptance is whether or not we accept our weaknesses and failures.
Improving social anxiety begins with accepting every aspect of our self, including those areas where we still need a lot of work.
Therapy For Social Anxiety
1. Smile, Smile, Smile! A genuine smile increases your production of serotonin, the "feel-good" hormone. Smiling has been proven to relax you and put you in a better mood. It's a natural anxiety-buster!
What's more, smiling bonds us with others. It makes us appear friendlier, more interested, and more appealing. Babies as young as three weeks old already recognize smiling as a bonding behavior.
So, smile and show us those pearly whites!
2. Give Yourself Permission to Feel Bored. Let's face it -- social gatherings can be a drag at first. It can take several hours for the mood to build and the "fun factor" to really kick in.
Don't leave the party simply because it's a little boring and you feel anxious at the moment. Allow yourself to simply BE. Sometimes that can mean allowing yourself to feel bored for a while and realizing that it's OK. Wait it out.
Remember, a party's success is a group effort. It's not all up to you. Folks with social anxiety often forget that important fact.
Gatherings that start out slow usually pick up once the meal is served, the music gets lively, or the guests have a few hours to unwind and get to know each other better. You might be surprised at how much fun you'll have if you stay!
3. Help Out. Offer to arrange tables, serve food, take photos, or another helpful task. Helping out is a great way to keep busy while making the party more enjoyable for you and the other guests. It's also a great way to meet people!
4. Show Interest in Others. A simple way to feel less anxious is to take your focus off of your anxiety and move your attention outward. Show interest in the people around you.
Maybe you've always wanted to ask your grandma how she and your grandpa met. Maybe you've seen a co-worker in the hall and always wondered in which department she works. Maybe you'd like to know how your neighbor keeps his lawn so green. Make eye contact and simply ASK.
5. Find a Fun Niche. I love animals, so whenever I go to a party I enjoy spending time with the four-legged members of the household, as well as the human ones.
Take some time to play with the pets, peruse the bookcases, admire the artwork, check out the music collection, or enjoy the garden. In addition to the enjoyment you'll get from doing these activities, you'll get the opportunity to bond with others with similar interests.
6. Take a Healthy Snack. Holiday meals can be a real challenge when you're working to reduce your anxiety. Although fried foods, refined white flour products, and sugary treats are yummy, they can spell anxiety when eaten in large quantities, or not eaten in proper combinations.
Take a healthy snack in your purse or jacket as a back-up plan, just in case there aren't healthy alternatives to choose from at the party. I take a granola bar containing fiber, whole grains, and lots of protein with me at all times, just in case. The snack can also tide you over when you've gone three hours or more since your last meal. If you feel self-conscious about eating in public, go outside to eat. Or excuse yourself for a few minutes and eat in the bathroom.
7. Share Something about Yourself. Think of one fact you'd like people at the gathering to know about you that they may not already know. Maybe you want to share the fact that you got an "A" on that term paper. Or that you love science fiction movies. Or that you get nervous at parties.
Share something that shows who you are now, and make sure it's something that you feel comfortable sharing. Speaking up gives people an opportunity to know you better and strengthens your bond.
By the way, don't wait for people to ask you questions. Speak up. While some people will ask you about yourself, others will wait for you to offer information about yourself because they've been brought up to think it's rude to ask you. Strike up a conversation and be yourself.
8. Balance "Group" Time with "Me" Time. Spending many hours in a group setting can feel overwhelming, especially when you're not used to it. Take a break and give yourself some time alone every few hours. Take a walk around the block. Do a few minutes of deep breathing. Call home to check on things. You'll appreciate your group time more when you take occasional breaks to help you stay grounded.
Try one -- or several -- of these tips at your next holiday gathering. Get ready to have some fun!
Both Jon Mercer & Deanne Repich are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Jon Mercer has sinced written about articles on various topics from Public Speaking, Cure Anxiety and Web Development. doesn't have to be difficult. Discover the breakthrough. Jon Mercer's top article generates over 27100 views. to your Favourites.
Deanne Repich has sinced written about articles on various topics from Careers and Job Hunting, Cure Anxiety and Stress Management. Deanne Repich, founder and director of the National Institute of Anxiety and Stress, Inc., is an internationally known anxiety educator, teacher, author, and former sufferer. Tens of thousands of anxiety sufferers have sought her expertise to help them re. Deanne Repich's top article generates over 2900 views. to your Favourites.
Baby Modeling In Nc Deal only with accredited agencies who handle legitimate opportunities for you
