Parterapi is regarded by many I've spoken to as a last ditch effort. After a long period marked by great dissatisfaction, one is almost ready for divorce. Long talks and arguments haven't helped. Neither has speaking with friends and relatives, priests and bartenders. All the good advice one gets seems difficult to apply and one is close to giving up.
Parterapi is seen by many as the last resort. The final step in an heroic attempt at saving a realtionship on the brink of failure. Having to pay for outside help is also painful. And is it worth the money ?...
When a couple, after many deliberations, finally decides to visit a couples therapist, their expectations are often quite different. The one may already have given up and hopes for help (or courage?) to end the painful situation. Perhaps the man (or woman) doesn't really want to, but lets him/herself be "dragged" into therapy because there are no good arguments left but he/she doesn't want to be the one seen as responsible for the fiasco.
Many arrive in the hope that some quick advice will be forthcoming that can help them get back on track so they can continue with the happy realtionship they had before it all went wrong.
- And they come to the couples therapist and are told that there is no magic cure. They, themselves, will have to do the work, and the help they can get comprises support and guidance in (re)building a trusting and loving relationship. They are told that it will take time and hard work, that they will experience progress and relapses, laughter and tears, frustration and - above all - that it will require courage.
It takes courage to reveal oneself to another. Courage to share one's thoughts and aspirations, courage to share one's innermost feelings. It takes courage to show one's strengths and weaknesses and courage to stand up - fearful and without protection - and encounter another, open and vulnerable.
It may not be surprising that so many couples do not attempt therapy. Or give up after only a few tries.
For those who make the effort and succeed, it has been well worth the work. The results of therapy are an increase in self confidence and in confidence in each other and in the relationship. Therapy provides strategies for solving future problems and difficulties, increased insight into ways of confronting the world and an understanding of how differences are important. The couple learns how they can help each other achieve the dreams neither one can achieve on his/her own.
And they often ask themselves in the end: "Why did we wait so long?", "Why didn't we do this before?", "Just think of all the time we have spent in frustration, how much we could have achieved if we'd done this long ago?" , "If only we had known"
To Save Your Marriage Alone
In relationships, nothing is perfect. You have to face travails and succeed in dealing with them together with your partner. You both have to learn from your mistakes and try not to do things that hurt each other the most in the course of being together. You have to learn how to save your marriage before a tiny problem can lead to damaging effects that might cause for your foundation to be dissolved.
You must build a strong foundation from the start. Marriage is a learning process. Sometimes, you may not want what you have learned but this doesn't mean that you must give up on everything. It only means that you are like others, your relationship is not perfect. So the best thing that you can do in order to save your marriage is learn to accept facts. You have to love your partner unconditionally. And you must be willing to bend according to changes and to accommodate everything that you might have found out in the process.
A good foundation will come in handy at times when your marriage becomes rocky. There will be lots of times wherein you have to start from scratch in order to save your marriage. But the good thing about this is that if you are very sure that it is all worth fighting for.
Building a strong foundation is one thing. If this foundation will be marred by intrigues, hatred and other problems, you have to keep trying and think about how strong that foundation was. This will give you better chances into holding on and keeping up with the fight.
Here are some recommendations as to what you can do when you have been faced with obstacles that almost dissolved such good foundation of your marriage.
1. Talk things out with your husband or wife. You have to let your partner know how you feel. You have to make them aware how much you are hurting. You must not process such feeling by yourself. There are maybe things that you don't fully understand because you are being blinded by your jealousy or hatred. By saying how you feel and what your thoughts are about the issues regarding your marriage, there is no other else that you should be speaking with but your partner.
In this process, you must also learn how to listen. This means that you have to open your mind and heart to possibilities and other things that you may not believe at the start. You must let your partner speak their feelings and you should give them a chance to be heard and understood.
2. You may find it hard to forgive, but in a relationship, you must perfect such act. No matter what your partner had done, if your heart tells you that they have to be forgiven, listen to it. Sometimes, your mind gives you 101 reasons why you should not forgive. But when you listen closely to what is the one thing that your heart is saying, your problems will be resolved and you will be able to see things at a different perspective.
Both Ilan Wolffberg & Jennie J. Hernandez are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Ilan Wolffberg has sinced written about articles on various topics from Home Management, Divorce and Infidelity. Having marital problems? Ilan Wolffberg is an American parterapi expert and has been residing in Denmark for over 30 years. Read his views on couples therapy at "What About Couples Therapy?" and in Danish at "Om parterapi" Feel free to grab a unique. Ilan Wolffberg's top article generates over 1900 views. to your Favourites.
Jennie J. Hernandez has sinced written about articles on various topics from Infidelity, Marriage and Infidelity. There's still time to . It's never too late to save what really matters. Come get our free report packed with tips on how to save your marriage. Jennie J. Hernandez's top article generates over 1900 views. to your Favourites.
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