Parterapi is regarded by many I've spoken to as a last ditch effort. After a long period marked by great dissatisfaction, one is almost ready for divorce. Long talks and arguments haven't helped. Neither has speaking with friends and relatives, priests and bartenders. All the good advice one gets seems difficult to apply and one is close to giving up.

Parterapi is seen by many as the last resort. The final step in an heroic attempt at saving a realtionship on the brink of failure. Having to pay for outside help is also painful. And is it worth the money ?...

When a couple, after many deliberations, finally decides to visit a couples therapist, their expectations are often quite different. The one may already have given up and hopes for help (or courage?) to end the painful situation. Perhaps the man (or woman) doesn't really want to, but lets him/herself be "dragged" into therapy because there are no good arguments left but he/she doesn't want to be the one seen as responsible for the fiasco.

Many arrive in the hope that some quick advice will be forthcoming that can help them get back on track so they can continue with the happy realtionship they had before it all went wrong.

- And they come to the couples therapist and are told that there is no magic cure. They, themselves, will have to do the work, and the help they can get comprises support and guidance in (re)building a trusting and loving relationship. They are told that it will take time and hard work, that they will experience progress and relapses, laughter and tears, frustration and - above all - that it will require courage.

It takes courage to reveal oneself to another. Courage to share one's thoughts and aspirations, courage to share one's innermost feelings. It takes courage to show one's strengths and weaknesses and courage to stand up - fearful and without protection - and encounter another, open and vulnerable.

It may not be surprising that so many couples do not attempt therapy. Or give up after only a few tries.

For those who make the effort and succeed, it has been well worth the work. The results of therapy are an increase in self confidence and in confidence in each other and in the relationship. Therapy provides strategies for solving future problems and difficulties, increased insight into ways of confronting the world and an understanding of how differences are important. The couple learns how they can help each other achieve the dreams neither one can achieve on his/her own.

And they often ask themselves in the end: "Why did we wait so long?", "Why didn't we do this before?", "Just think of all the time we have spent in frustration, how much we could have achieved if we'd done this long ago?" , "If only we had known"