Being in the single pool once again can be a tough scanario for many divorced men. It's a little scary and it's an unfamiliar area.



In part of 1 this article, I discussed the first 5 steps you must take in order to break through this mindset and start dating, and more importantly ENJOY being single once again.

Here we go with the next 5 steps:

***STEP 6- Have a game plan***

When you actually meet women that you find attractive, what will you do? What are you going to say and how are you going to do this? If you are one of the guys who is completely at a loss for words, you may want to invest in yourself by reading a couple of books, attending seminars or workshops.

This requires a bit of an ego check but it's no different than hiring a personal trainer at your gym. If you don't know what you're doing, find guys who are proficient at it, seek their advice, and model what they do.

In my seminars and workshops, I have encountered all sorts of men, single and divorced, from office workers to engineers to doctors. If you leave your ego at the door, you'll start getting the results you want.

Regardless of whom you go to for advice, please seek advice that produces results. This leads me to a subsection of step 6.

Avoid poor advice. Please, stay away from the Dr. Phil and dear Abbey dating advice that will make you want to hang yourself. If that type of advice has ever worked for you, then please, by all means go for it. In my observation, guys often experience worse results due to that sort of advice. Enough said on this one.

***STEP 7-Excommunicate the ex***

Never ever complain about your marriage or your ex. Do not mention the ex wife. I don't care if she were a monster that crawled out of a bad B movie!

Do not talk about her. Please! See a professional therapist of some sort to work out your angry feeling towards her. She is not topic for discussion with women you date. This is an often repeated costly mistake.

I know the temptation is great to want to badmouth her, and I don't blame you. However, understand that when you do this, you are still allowing your ex-wife to control your life as she is still costing you dates, mates, and peace of mind.

STOP allowing her to run your life.

I feel silly for having to even write this, but I have come across such a plethora of men who seem determined to shoot themselves in the foot by discussing their ex too quickly.

Once you have been dating your new mate for some time, you can perhaps discuss a few things and share some funny battle stories if you really insist on doing so. (I said a few, like twice a year).

Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the positive.

There is no need for you to expand on how bitter of an experience divorce is. Most people already understand it.

And seriously, how can you enjoy a GREAT time with this new person you're spending time with, when you're recalling bad memories and negative emotions from the last person you were with? Let her go out of your mind.

***STEP 8 *Do not jump into another relationship immediately***

At this point, full-fledged relationships may resonate with you because they present that sense of familiarity. Again, it's like the old guy who wanted to go back to the Shawshank prison because as horrible as the situation was, it made sense. (note: I am not saying marriage is like a prison, even if some of my divorced friends would argue that case.)

What I am saying is this: If you were divorced a few months ago after a lengthy marriage, you probably are not ready to jump into another super serious relationships. They say time wounds heals and you need the time to heal.

Go out and date a few different women. Don't compare each woman to your ex. I don't care if your ex-wife could convert water into wine; it's over with. Apparently, it was really crappy wine, because you didn't want to say.

Turn your focus into having fun. Again, it becomes important to surround yourself with guys who enjoy having a good time. If you're hanging out with guys who resemble the disheveled weatherbeaten looking members of Al Bundy's no-mam club who like to bitch and snivel, you're going to be surrounded in that negative energy. Befriend people who are positive.

***STEP 9- Fix up your pad, pal***

Create an environment that is conducive to entertaining female guests. It's irrelevant if the house was lost during the settlement. Whatever! Where ever you're living now ought to look presentable. I could write another lengthy article alone on what constitutes a place that is female-friendly.

For a start, make sure it's clean, paying extra attention to the bathroom and the kitchen. If your bathroom looks like it's hosting species of organisms not yet recognized by modern science, you're shooting yourself in the foot. Clean up the place even if it takes paying a housekeeper.

***STEP 10 *Be comfortable with the fact that you have kids***

Again, this goes back to attitude! I can't tell you how many guys are so worried about the fact that they have kids.

Listen, will there be some women who won't be interested in a relationship because of your kids? Yes, but there will be MANY who will be fine with it. I know guys who have girlfriend 10 year younger, who happen to have a few kids.

Is that weird? No.

In fact, I am now going to share something that is going to be some of the most invaluable dating advice you'll ever receive in your life:

*It's only weird if you think it's weird*

If you think it's weird, you will have created limiting beliefs that will control your behavior accordingly. If you let go of that belief, you will realize that there is no truth in it. You'll realize it's something that is a generalization that you created in your heard based upon unsound ideas

Destroy the limiting belief and create a new one, a new belief that says it's possible to date attractive and interesting women regardless of if you have kids, and regardless of if you are divorced.

Whether you are divorced or are divorced with kids, there are plenty of single women who will date you. Many guys are already doing this. You can do it as well. It's important to know what attract women and the responsibility falls on you to present your most attractive self.

I highly urge you to read part 1 of this article. After implementing these 10 steps, you will start noticing how your dating life as well as attitude are starting to change for the better.

Wishing you the best,

Cameron Teone

Copyright (c) 2007 Cameron Teone