A lot of people lack confidence and trust in themselves to make positive choices. Have you ever had to make a decision about something and you went to other people to help you choose? Have you ever felt like you should or should not do something but you didn't follow your knowing or feeling? Do you doubt whether your knowing is valid or right? Maybe you do not even believe you can make good sound choices on your own?



Ignoring your gut feeling or knowing because you do not trust yourself can be harmful to your happiness and well-being. Your inner knowing is there to support you and help you make decisions based on your highest good. Unfortunately we are taught by our family and culture to not rely on this knowing. That instead we should trust other people, more wise and experienced people to help us choose. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going to others for support. If you feel you know the answer but instead follow the guidance of someone else even when it does not feel right that is a lack of self-trust.

Many people will not honor what they feel inside if they perceive that someone else knows better or more. People who say "I should have listened to myself or why did not trust my own opinion" realize that something was guiding them that they were ignoring.

I know this pattern very well and I can easily see it in others because I used to not trust myself. There was a time in my life when I rarely honored my little voice or gut feeling. I especially did not trust my own judgment. I felt that everyone knew more than I did and I should not trust myself and I was better off listening to others. That approach ultimately led me to making a lot of poor decisions in my life and caused me suffering.

There was a conversation in my head that said "I do not know what to do and I should rely on other people or else I may make a bad choice". I was disempowering myself and I was not even aware that I was doing it. It was an unconscious pattern. The hardest part of letting go of this pattern was accepting I was getting a payoff.

When I relied on other people to make choices for me and did not listen to my inner knowing I did not have to take responsibility for my life. When I was miserable I had someone else to blame. There was also cost in my life my confidence, happiness, peace, and fulfillment. I see this pattern causing misery in the lives of others too but most people are unaware they are doing it like I was.

I started to practice trusting myself. It was scary to do at first. I worried that I would offend people if I did not follow their advice or that I would make mistakes. With time I stopped going to so many people because I knew had the answers inside me.

You may be thinking to yourself "I like to ask people for support and advice so I can have many options to consider". It is great to speak with other people and get feedback as long as your voice and gut feeling over rules all other opinions. Sometimes when you go to others for guidance they will provide you with an option that you did not even consider that you know is right for you.

What I am distinguishing here is learning to not have blind faith and just do what someone else recommends for you. Always question what you are being advised and see how it feels to you whether there is a little voice telling you yes this is right or no it is not.

You also want to distinguish the difference between your inner voice and intuition versus your mind. See your mind operates from fears and the ego. If you make a choice from your mind it will not lead you to happiness but only to ego-based gratification which is unfulfilling.

Here is how to know the difference between your mind and your inner voice. The mind usually is disempowering and cares about looking good and focused on superficial surface level things. It also usually makes choices based on fears. So ask yourself "if this fear was not there would I want or not want to do this?"

The gut feeling is like a knowing you cannot explain or you hear a soft gentle loving voice guiding you. The gut or inner voice comes from a context of purpose and meaning. Even if your gut guidance is completely absurd or outrageous trust that it will always lead you to your best and highest good. The most critical piece to this topic is learning to trust yourself. You want to build up your self-trust like a muscle. Every time you doubt yourself and want to ask other people for advice remind yourself that you know what is best for you. You may be scared to make a wrong or bad choice and then regret what you did or did not do. There is no right or wrong whatever choice you make and follow is for your own good.

Remind yourself that the answer resides within you and by looking for others to make choices for you and not trusting yourself you are not taking responsibility for your own life. Be patient with yourself because trust takes time to develop and there may be times when you forget and you do not honor your gut feeling or knowing. It's okay just start again. If you keep practicing trusting yourself then you will feel and experience a confidence and power in you that you did not know you possessed.

Your assignment for this week: Practice listening for a little soft guiding voice or a gut feeling of knowing. You can start by practicing by making small choices such as what should you eat, what tv show should you watch, what book to read. By starting with the little things you will see how much you are constantly being guided. You will build up a trust and self-reliance that helps you to feel taken care of and fulfilled. You will also feel more confident and want to use this same guidance in making bigger choices in your life. It is ok to go to other people or use resources for guidance but always remember to trust your knowing and use it as the final answer and deal breaker.

Copyright (c) 2008 Melisa Milonas LLC