It is very challenging to be parents. You will go through a lot of joy and sorrow in the process. The adorable children may sometimes be very demanding to test our boundaries. You may get emotionally frustrated at their behaviour or character. The good news is that it is very normal to have this reaction.
We, as parents, at times find it overwhelming with our children's misbehaviour. When such situation crops up, it is the best time to stop for a while and think about how to manage such situation. What I would normally do is that I'll do my prayer first and meditate on it thereafter. It takes me a while to see from the first person perspective as a mother to the third person perspective as an observer. It is very helpful for us to go through the process as a third person trying to observe and understand what is happening for the mother and child. It is less emotional intense as in a first person position.
I used the following questions to reflect when I encounter such situation that you may find them useful as well.
1) What is happening?
2) Why I am so upset?
3) What is the need of my child? (getting attention, power and control and so on)
4) What is my expectation of my child?
5) What is my own need?
6) How can I calm down myself first?
7) Do I have support from my spouse, friends, relatives or other parents?
8) What is my belief and value of parenting?
9) Do I have any interests or hobbies?
After we pause and think, we will be able to plan for the best strategies and take action. Following that we take action and evaluate our goals and strategies of parenting whether we are moving towards our goals or away from my goals.
The important message here for parents is to take good care of ourselves physically, emotionally and mentally. Only with these we can take good care of our children. As parents, we should give ourselves space and time to do our reflection and reading books or information on parenting, personal and spiritual growth. When we are stressed and frustrated with our work or other matters, it is very hard for us to refocus and center on the needs of our children. Only when we are nourished and our needs were met, we will then be better prepared to attend to the needs of our children.
Copyright (c) 2004-2007, Mak Wai Chong, All rights reserved.
Disclaimers: The author shares this article based on her personal and work experience and disclaims any responsibility for any liability, losses or damages and /or application of any of contents of this article.
