Men are as varied as girls when it comes to what they find a turn on in the other gender. Some men are drawn to eyes to begin with, some guys are drawn to a smile or sense of adventure, while still others could be attracted to clothing or personal style. It varies across the spectrum.

The good news is that on the question of character, men are surprisingly consistent. There are just some qualities that guys find attractive. For the most part, these can be reduced down to 5 key traits men seek in a girl.

1. Self sufficiency – Clingy girls are a real turn off. Being independent and having a life of your own not only demonstrates that you are a one of a kind, lively woman, it also indicates that you are confident enough to leave your boyfriend for periods of time, and gives himthat much needed and often-talked-about “space". It is wonderful to feel adored, but too much of a good thing can feel overwhelming. Having external interests and activities is vital – and also gives your man time to look forward to seeing you again!

2. Confidence – Study after study proves that the sexiest trait in both gender is confidence. When you are content in your skin, it shows other people that there is something to be happy about, that you have substance and quality. A little jealousy is natural and can even be attractive, but a constantly second-guessing, insecure girl, who always questions your actions and intentions is deeply unattractive. Be confident and take him at face value. If he’s unfaithful, he’s the one that loses out, you’ll dump him for a more deserving guy.

3. Be Calm – A girl worked up is a guy’s living hell. From his pestering mother to his irritating ex-girlfriend, your partner has probably seen a whole lot of feminine psychotic episodes. These occurrences are frightening for guys, who avoid them at all costs. Be open, relaxed, and rational as much of the time as you can, and your relationship will grow. If you are consistently agitated and/or illogical, your boyfriend will not want to spend time with you, especially in times when he likely wants you the most. Be there for him, in a calm, empathetic and reasonable way.

4. No Guy Wants to be Hen Pecked! Know your fights, and select them thoughtfully. Like everyone, guys can be somewhat stubborn or silly at times. You need to learn when to stand your ground and when it’ll cause more throuble than it’s worth. Pestering never solves the problem, most often impedes the solution, and always ends up evoking resentment.

5. Tolerance (for his likes, dislikes, his mom, his friends, etc.) – This one is fatal. There has to be respect in a relationship, and it has to go both ways. This means listen to alternatives, give full support and don’t demean in any way, shape, or form especially in public or in front of friends and family. Even if it goes against the grain, sometimes you just have to agree to disagree. You might not appreciate all his decisions, or particular aspects of his life, and you don’t have to – however you do have to tolerate them.